When Your Friends Leave The Frills

Finding a friend in the Lolita fashion is something that many Lolitas crave. While some are content with being a lone Lolita, many are looking for a friend to share their frilly passion with. But what to do when you've found such a friend, but they start to loose interest in the fashion and are considering leaving Lolita?
  • Talk to them about it. They're your friends, so I'm sure you will be talking to them about it the instant you hear that they plan on leaving Lolita. Whatever their decision is, support them in it. If they want to leave Lolita for a different style, help them pick out some clothes for their new wardrobe. If they feel like they want to leave Lolita because something in the online communities has gotten them upset (I have seen this happen!), be a shoulder to cry on or just an ear they can rant off. You never know, your friend my not have their whole heart in leaving the fashion and just needs someone to talk to.
  • Don't beg them to stay. Don't make them feel bad about their decision, I'm sure they're already having a hard time with it, as a friend you shouldn't make it worse. Maybe urge them to keep a favorite dress or accessory that you know they will regret selling, even if they don't plan on ever wearing it, but don't give them a hard time about leaving the fashion. Remember that they are your friend, not just a matching fashion accessory.
  • Don't be hurt or angry. I know it might hurt a little bit to hear that a friend who spent so much time with you in the frills is giving it up for something else, but remember that they are not, by any means, leaving you. Don't take it personally, it's just clothes.
  • Don't act like they've confessed that they only have a month to live. They're not dying, just changing their clothes, so try not to be melodramatic about the fact that they no longer have much interest in the fashion. Don't lament the fact that you're never going to see them again, because there's no reason why you can't see them ever again just because they aren't wearing Lolita. Try not to beg them for one last go at the fashion either, maybe they don't want to go to one last meetup, or have one last photo shoot. They are obviously not that interested in the fashion any more, so don't force them to dress up one last time. If they make the suggestion, that's fine but the instant they tell you they're leaving Lolita you shouldn't exclaim "Oh my gosh! We have to have, like, the biggest meetup of the year as a farewell!" If you feel like you must do something, do something simple like make a scrap book or get a few of their favorite pictures printed out.
  • Buy a few pieces that mean a lot to you from them. If they are having a massive Leaving Lolita Sale to fund a new wardrobe, buy a few things from them that hold special memories for you. Maybe a purse you've always admired, a skirt that they wore to the first meetup you both went to, or just some special piece that will remind you of all the good times you had together while you both wore the frills.
  • Keep in touch. This one is obvious if they are a friend that you often keep in touch with, but if they're someone you really only see during Lolita meetups and events make an effort to keep in touch with them outside of the frills. Show them that you're interested in being their friend because you enjoy their company, not just because you like their coordinates.
One of my first Lolita friends has recently made the decision to leave Lolita. While she doesn't plan on permanently leaving the fashion, she is taking an extended break from it. She simply doesn't have the time or the money at the moment to keep up with the fashion or fill out her wardrobe in the direction she wants it to go. So, instead of having hundreds of dollars worth of clothes sit around, unworn, in her closet, she's selling the majority of them to pay for school books and general things needed for a life outside of the frills.

I plan on buying a couple pieces of hers that I've always loved, such as a couple Suppurate System necklaces that I've positively envied ever since I've known her and a BtSSB headdress that she asked me to add to an order I placed when we first met each other. It was the same order that I got my first brand dress from!

Lolita was what brought us together, but it certainly isn't what kept us together. Like any good friendship, ours wasn't based on something silly like wearing the same clothes. We both have the same nerdy interests, dorky hobbies, and stupid sense of humor. Even though we haven't seen each other a lot lately, I still love hanging out with her in her neon painted bedroom and just chatting (and often ranting) about whatever we feel like. The next time we get together, only one of us will be wearing a frilly dress and matching headbow, but it will still be just as great as it's always been.


Have you ever had a friend who left Lolita? How did you feel about it, and are you still friends regardless, or did you realize that, sadly, your only common interest was the Lolita fashion?


  1. Aw this helped me so much, I my country (we're a small community) our "lolita leaders" decided to quit lolita for a while... I was feeling really sad, but I think your post made me feel better... They're still good friends with us and I'm going to buy some nice dresses from them <3 (I'm sorry my English is terrible....)

  2. This is some great advice. It's important to realize that, while you may have met through lolita, if you're really good friends that can't be -all- you have in common. If you focus on the other aspects of your friendship that are fun and rewarding, you'll still have a great friendship.

    "Remember that they are your friend, not just a matching fashion accessory." - great quote!

  3. Wow. This sounds so sad.
    I've never experienced this because I'm the 'lone lolita'.

    But sounds like good advice at least.

  4. I really ope I don't have to face this moment, but at the same time I know I will eventually. (D:) Being one of the younger lolitas of my group, I dread that day. But I know I'll still be great friends with the local lolitas and we do have more in common than just our clothes.

    I bet my cosplaying friends feel the same about me leaving anime and cosplay... *guilt*

  5. this is such a thoughtful post :) and a couple of my freidns have lost their interest in lolita which has made me sad :(
    i love the last photos and great advice ^^

  6. ur name reminds me of lumpy space princess from adventure time


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