Lolitas vs. The Living Dolls

Anyone in the Lolita fashion right now can tell you that one of the biggest hot topics at the moment is the media's recent portrayals of Lolitas as "Living Dolls" and lumping them in with a variety of different people who choose to use Barbie as their fashion icons. It's not unusual to associate Lolitas with dolls, we've been doing it ourselves for years, but this recent trend of lumping them with Barbie dolls is a new and unusual stereotype. For some reason it's easier for people to understand the fashion in terms of Barbie dolls. To an extent it's understandable: many Lolitas are known for wearing pink and having elaborately large hair, just like Barbie! But when compared to the other self proclaimed "Human Barbies" Lolitas seem really out of place, at least to those of us who are very familiar with the fashion. Personally I find it really strange that Lolitas are being featured in the same shows as people who go through extensive plastic surgery and extreme breast implants. I really have no problem with people who generally want to look unreal and plan on having very real medical procedures to do so, I just fail to see what these people have to do with the Lolita fashion, because the two are almost always mentioned together.

I've heard a lot of mixed reactions to the term "Living Doll" being used to describe Lolitas. It's mostly groans and head-desking, but a number of people like the term because they like looking like dolls (not necessarily Barbie dolls though) and feel like they shouldn't have to change because of some reality shows. Alternatively I've heard some people say why shouldn't we use the term "Living Doll" to describe Lolita and show people how Lolita is really done and provide some much needed normalcy, compared to the often over dramatic, suspiciously edited, pseudo-Lolita shown in these shows.

A number of Lolitas have expressed concern about people simply getting the wrong idea about what Lolita is based on these shows, and it's a very real concern, as the people featured on these programs, if relatively normal outside of the show, are edited in ways that are intended to make your average viewer think "what a weirdo!". In these "Living Doll" shows and articles Lolitas are often painted as juvenile fame obsessed losers who have little interests beyond wigs, fake eyelashes, and the color pink, and it's this idea that most people are fighting against, not necessarily Lolita's association with dolls.



How do I personally feel about this term being applied to Lolitas? Honestly, as someone who has been a Lolita for a very long time, I find it very difficult to muster up the effort to really care what outsiders to the fashion think about it. I've been around long enough for strangers to have thought we were all self-harming emos, Harajuku obsessed Gwen Stefani fans, or Lady Gaga clones, and then promptly forget they ever thought these things about us in the first place. This new "Living Doll" stereotype is just another on a long list of annoyances. In general I feel kind of apathetic about being called a "Living Doll" by outsiders, it's annoying because it's not true, but there's pretty much a guarantee that if someone thought I was some sort of Human Barbie Doll just because I wear Lolita and they saw a reality show that featured the fashion, they probably would have thought something equally silly if they hadn't seen the show.

What do you think about using the term "Living Doll" for Lolitas? Do you find it to be a less controversial term than "Lolita" and an easy way to explain the fashion to outsiders? Or do you try to distance yourself as much as possible from the hightly-edited antics of "weirdo watching" reality TV?

10 Misconceptions Lolitas have about Lolita

A little over a year ago I wrote a post about the top 10 misconceptions that people tend to have about Lolita, this time around I'd like to do something similar and write about the top 10 misconceptions that I often seen Lolitas have about other Lolitas and the fashion itself.
 
The Lolita community tends to be centered around the internet for many people due to how spread out fellow Lolitas tend to be, and the lack of real-life Lolita stores for many people. This is both a blessing and a curse! It's an amazing way to pool resources and to meet some fantastic people you may have never come across in your regular day-to-day life, but it is also a pretty easy way for rumors to travel and for anonymous opinions to be touted as truth. This is not even taking into consideration the unfortunate fact that some people are just a lot more rude on the other side of a computer screen than they might be in real life. I feel like an unfortunate combination of all three of these tends to lead to a number of half-truths and rumors that are considered actual fact by many.

The actual fact is the Lolita community is big, being composed of thousands and thousands of people worldwide, so it's a little silly to be making any sort of sweeping statements about those who wear the fashion, and many of the misconceptions about the fashion itself tend to boil down to people simply not bothering to take the extra step to educate themselves.

I'm loathe to admit this, but some of these things can be true about individuals, just like all sorts of awful things can be true about individuals, but you really shouldn't be making broad sweeping statements about a pretty large group of people, based on the actions of a few.

1) Lolitas who wear Bodyline or other cheaper brands are looked down upon. If you don't wear brand, people don't think you're a real Lolita.

This is the battle cry of the Lolita who has probably never actually met another Lolita, who's trying to psych herself up for the imagined verbal beat down she expects to get for shopping on a budget. This is also one of the biggest lies circulating around in Lolita. If you assume this, you obviously haven't been reading my blog!

The truth is that almost all Lolitas will own "budget" and offbrand pieces. They might not personally like to buy from your favorite cheaper brand, for whatever reason, but that doesn't mean they probably haven't jumped on the chance to score some cheap Lolita or looked for pieces to wear with their Lolita coordinates outside of brand catalogs.

The bottom line is that, so long as you are not actively being a jerk to everyone, most Lolitas don't actually cares how much or how little you spent on your outfit or what the name on the label says.

2) Lolitas with tattoos, facial piercings, unnaturally colored hair, identify as anything other than straight, are not female, have darker skin, are not a size 0, etc. are also looked down upon.

The first misconception dealt with what people choose to put on their body, this one tends to deal with the actual person and the complaint encompasses too huge of a list to even have here! Pretty much any deviation from a literal porcelain doll have been claimed as something other Lolitas will look down on you for being.

When it comes to "alternative" choices, such as tattoos, facial piercings, unnatural hair colors, etc. you're actually going to find that this is all pretty passé within the Lolita community. Lolita's might be known for looking like Pretty Pretty Princesses™ but the fact is that, despite the penchant towards pink, Lolita is an alternative fashion that is generally considered even weirder than your garden-variety punk or goth by your average person. Many people who are interested, and have the guts to wear, Lolita tend to sway towards the alternative anyways. I can't even tell you how many Lolitas I know are tattooed, pierced, and have decided to don a wig simply because they felt like their hair color du jour didn't quite match their outfit. You're not going to be able to please everyone with your own fashion choices, but most Lolitas aren't even going to bat an eye if you are pierced, tattooed, and dyed an unnatural color.

For things that you can't exactly choose, such as sexuality, gender, skin color, ethnicity, religion, size, etc. you're going to honestly find much of the same attitude towards alternative fashion choices. Many people have found that alternative styles or subcultures are often much more accepting of these things than mainstream society, and Lolita isn't any different. I've gotten a ton of questions on my formspring, and the question is frequently repeated in Lolita communities all over, asking "I'm _____, can I be a Lolita?" and the answer is always "Yes! Anyone can be a Lolita!". When it comes right down to it, Lolita is simply clothes (adding a lifestyle is completely optional), and the amazing thing about clothes is that everyone actually wears them!

The same as the first misconception, you're going to find that most Lolitas are more concerned with how you act than what you look like.

3) Lolitas who make their own clothes are looked down upon too!

I was going to include this in with the misconception about cheaper brands, but I decided it deserved it's own little section because I've seen it mentioned separately so many times. I've even seen many people go so far as to say that Lolitas who make their clothes are better and more "true" Lolitas than people who don't, in the same breath as complaining that Lolitas will look down on them for doing so. Do you see the conflict here? You really shouldn't be reveling in your superiority while simultaneously condemning people you feel are doing just that.

I feel that this is another preemptive battle cry of those who are simply afraid of what other people think, but the truth is, so long as you know your way around a sewing machine and have a pretty good grasp on the Lolita fashion, if you sew your own clothes Lolitas will tend to be very impressed.

4) Lolitas are so rude!

This is related to misconception #4 in the original post, as well as the exclamation point at the end of the first 3 misconceptions. While outsiders tend to assume that Lolitas are supposed to be polite all the time, many people who consider themselves Lolitas come into Lolita communities or events with the assumption that other Lolitas will find a reason to look down upon them.

This assumption is probably my biggest pet peeve within the Lolita communities. Lolita communities (both online and off) are really not that much different from any other community, sometimes there are people who are rude, but more often than not, most people are going to be perfectly civil to you because that's just how most people roll. If you're finding yourself constantly getting into arguments with other Lolitas wherever you go and find that you're making more enemies than friends, honestly, you're going to probably find that the problem lies with you, not with what other people are wearing.

If you go into any situation thinking "Oh gosh, these people are a bunch of jerks!" you're probably not going to like what you find, whether it's the result of this negativity being way more obvious to other people than you think it is, or this sort of attitude simply skewing other people's actions and responses in a negative light in your eyes.

5) Brands only release clothes in one size, and that size is very small.

When I was still getting into Lolita back in the early 2000's I was under the impression that all Lolita brand pieces were made to fit someone with a 33/25" figure, which is still something most people believe, almost a decade later!

While it's true that most brand releases don't come with a size option, the individual pieces are actually designed to fit a wide range of sizes. Many releases will have at least one piece that features shirring which is meant to make the piece stretch to fit a multitude of different sizes. Taking even just a quick peak at this size list will show that almost all brands release pieces that will fit plus size figures. It's not a size range that can fit everyone, but it really is a lot more varied than most people will give brands credit for. If you happen to fall outside of this range just remember misconceptions 1 and 3, handmade and smaller Lolita brands are usually willing to make custom sizes, and no one is going to care that you're not wearing brand.

6) It's incredibly expensive to wear Lolita.

"Expensive" means a lot of different things to a lot of different people, but I've heard a lot of pretty far-out price ranges that people assume all Lolita costs. The typical quote I see is that dresses cost $400 and a full outfit will probably set you back around $1,000. Yeah, sure this can be true, but it is only because Lolita encompasses a pretty wide range of prices! You can honestly easily pick up dresses for as little as $50, if not cheaper. Sure, this is a bit more expensive than a pair of jeans and a t-shirt you found on a clearance rack, but it's tiny fraction of the price people assume Lolita costs.

Even if you are just talking about brand prices, there are tons of ways you can buy brand for relatively cheap. Check out this post for some more comprehensive information about that!

If you're handy with a sewing machine, or willing to learn, you can cut costs further if you find some good deals on fabric and notions and add in some offbrand pieces. Because, once more, so long as you have a grasp on the fashion and aren't a complete jerk to people, no one is going to actually care about your labels. Check this coordinate out for a perfect example of a drop dead gorgeous Lolita outfit that is composed up entirely of Bodyline and offbrand.

7) Brands are big faceless corporations that have no idea what their customers want.

I  see this thrown around a lot as a reason why people should get away with a lot of stuff concerning the great replica debate, but the truth is, even the biggest of the Lolita brands are relatively small companies catering to a relatively small niche. While many might argue that the the high price on Lolita pieces makes up for the smaller quantities sold, that is simply untrue, and in reality, often times, the smaller a company is the more likely they will have to have higher prices to cover costs.

Besides these facts, most brands are actually much more active with the Lolita community than many people give them credit for! I feel that many people outside of Japan aren't really aware of this simply because they probably live several thousand miles away from any brand's shop! Many brands frequently host fashion shows, tea parties, and other special events for their customers, something that you're pretty much never going to see your average clothing shop do.

Many people also quote the limited releases and size ranges as "proof" that brands don't listen to their customers because a brand might not be currently re-leasing something that suits their wants, but, once again, Lolita brands are relatively small companies, and it's simply not within their ability to re-release every piece on-demand and offer it completely custom sizes. However, brands have clearly shown that they are aware of these wants by the more-and-more frequent re-releases of popular prints and the expanded sizes that have been popping up in recent years.

 8) Lolita brands have strayed too far from their roots! They only release prints now/cater to the OTT crowd/follow some silly trend.

I've actually seen this said pretty much whenever the topic of Old School Lolita comes up. "I wish brands made these older dresses!" people will exclaim "They're all too focused on seeing who can make the most ridiculous border print now!" they will often elaborate with. But the truth is that this older design that people keep insisting brands are neglecting are actually still being released! It's a pretty impressive feat for a clothing company to continue to re-release the same pieces, practically unchanged, for well over a decade while simultaneously also releasing pieces on the cutting-edge of their fashion niche.

I find it a bit ironic that the people who feel that the brands are focusing on current trends are too busy focusing on the pieces the brands release that follow these trends to even notice that the designs they are claiming are non-existent are literally sitting right next to them in the online shops.

9) Lolita's only wear one style, and Lolitas who wear one style dislike Lolitas who wear other styles.

Ah, the eternal struggle between Sweet an Gothic, OTT and Old School, Classic and Ero, Punk and pretty much everyone else. Practically every combination of styles and substyles have been claimed to be pitted against each other in a bitter war at one point, but I think the classic example is the Sweet vs. Goth. How many stories have you heard about a Gothic Lolita getting dirty looks from a Sweet Lolita across a convention center, or a Sweet Lolita getting the cold shoulder from a Gothic Lolita at a meetup and then claiming it's due to a secret Lolita conspiracy to hedge out all Lolita styles but the one "true" style? I don't know about you, but I've heard this more times than I can count, as completely ridiculous as it sounds.

The simple truth is that most Lolitas don't stick to one style, or at the very least, have experimented with wearing other styles in the past and plan to do so in the future. It's pretty ridiculous to assume that someone currently wearing Moitie is going to hate you even though they probably have the same Angelic Pretty dress hanging up in their closet.

Just like with every other misconception on here, you very well might come across the occasional person who claims to have been born a Classic Lolita and won't even give you a second glance if your skirt features bunnies riding on unicorns floating on a sparkle made of rainbows, but for the most part, these style wars are completely imagined. As I mentioned in misconception #4, if you interact with people with a preconceived notion in your head, such as the notion that people wearing pink will hate you if you wear black, you're going to be mistaking most every slightly awkward "hello" or meeting that doesn't end in exchanging friendship bracelets as a personal wrong against you.

10) Lolita is about elegance! If it's not elegant, it's not Lolita! It's called Elegant Gothic Lolita for a reason.

I find this one pretty silly, but I actually hear it quite a bit, especially in reference to Sweet Lolita. It seems to be used especially by those just aching to look down their noses at other people, but who can't actually think up a good enough reason to do so. Just because Mana decided to use the slogan "Elegant Gothic Aristocrat Vampire Romance" for his brand, doesn't exactly mean that ridiculous jumble of words needs to be taken literally for everyone.

The fact is simply that not all styles of Lolita are based solely around the idea of "elegance", and it's simply incorrect to claim they are. Cuteness, edginess, deconstruction, and even eroticism are all themes frequently found within Lolita just as much as elegance might be. If you don't think AP's newest rainbow ruffled dress covered in melting stars is elegant, that's perfectly fine because it probably never intended to be, just don't try to wear it as a Classic Lolita dress and you'll be fine.

Again, I want to end this post with the note that, yes, sometimes you might meet someone who is just a completely unlikeable person who might be living proof of each of these things, but that's probably going to just be how they are regardless of what they are wearing. But to make sweeping statements about a very large group of people based on what you witnessed a few doing, or simply heard about someone else witnessing such a thing, is honestly exactly as bad as the behaviors you're condemning. For example, someone who says that the only real Lolitas are those who own brand, and someone who says that those that wear brand are uncreative snobs, are both doing the exact same thing. And preemptively jumping into defensive mode about your own fashion choices is simply going to suck all the fun out of it for you and everyone around you.

I have been lurking around a lot on Tumblr lately, and I've noticed a ton of anonymous secret and confession sites popping up, and I have been seeing so many of these things being brought up again and again. I feel that these sorts of sites are not so much a look into what is really happening behind-the-scenes in Lolita, but rather a look at what people are secretly afraid of happening. They're the perfect rumor mill "Oh, I know this is true because I saw one Lolita say it, anonymously, written in fancy text over a picture of an Angelic Pretty dress!".

It's one thing to want to vent about your fears and bad experiences, but I feel that a lot of these sites are not so much allowing a "safe" place for that as they are allowing a cesspool of negativity and rumors to fester within the Lolita community under the guise of "the truth everyone is afraid to speak", which, in my opinion, is so much more harmful to the community than someone not liking the dress you're wearing.

If I could end this post with a few very simple tips they would be to find a friend to rant to or start a private diary if you need to get something off your chest, relax and stop jumping to judge others before you feel they have the chance to judge you, and stop believing everything you see on the internet.

The Documentary about You-Know-What

Unless you've been living in a cave, and your cave doesn't have an internet connection, I'm sure you've all heard about a certain documentary featuring a Lolita on the promotional poster. If you've just emerged from your cave today, and my blog was the very first site you decided to check up on (I'm flattered!) then let me fill you in a bit: A few days ago, word hit the Lolita community that a documentary called "Are All Men Pedophiles?" about, you guessed it, pedophilia and the sexualization of youth. What makes this documentary different from the dozens of other documentaries about similar topics is the controversial name and the fact that one of the promotional pictures features a well-dressed Lolita with the title of the film emblazoned across the bottom of the image.

Fun fact: A backwards question mark is used to denote irony, sarcasm, or a rhetorical question!

It goes without saying that this upset a lot of Lolitas. Again, assuming you've been living in a cave, you're probably more than familiar with the fact that the biggest argument against Lolita is the fact that the fashion is called "Lolita" combined with the fact some styles of it are childish looking to many people, leading people to jump to conclusions about all sorts of devious activities that they think Lolitas are up to. But, this isn't going to be a blog post about why it's simply wrong to assume these things about Lolitas, because we all know that by now. Instead I'd like to talk a little about the documentary and my thoughts on the community's reaction to it.

I'd like to begin by saying that when I saw the poster, I cringed at it. My first reaction was "Oh god, I hope no one I know sees this poster!" because I don't exactly look forward to making the Lolita-has-nothing-to-do-with-pedophilia speech. My second reaction was "Well, doesn't that sound controversial?" and, wouldn't you know, a quick hop over to the documentaries site has this quote:

Ah, it's one of those documentaries. Anyone who watches a fair amount of documentaries has probably come across them many, many times before. Documentary makers just love being controversial. And why not? Controversy gets talked about, and talking leads to watching. Of course though, no one likes to actually be part of the controversy, so it's unsurprising the Lolita community reacted the way it did.

Scores of Lolitas were so upset by the mere appearance of a Lolita in a documentary about pedophilia that a petition was actually started, Lolitas were urged to send emails expressing their anger to the documentary's maker, and there were even people discussing actually showing up to the premier and protesting, in Lolita of course.

Frankly, I think these are all really bad ideas.

Let's get the most obvious bad idea out of the way first: this documentary is intended to be controversial, therefore, it is probably thriving off the controversy that many Lolitas are throwing at it. I can easily imagine that the petition Lolitas have started with end up being quoted, by the makers of the film, as being one of the big selling points of the film's controversiality (um, is that even a word?). To have a group of Lolitas show up to the premier to protest this film would probably be one of the best thing that could happen to this particular film in terms of advertisement. In a case like this, for a film that is billing itself as "The most controversial film ever made", if you want it to go away, your best bet would be to ignore it and to not actually make a controversy of it.

The other reason why I think this is a bad idea is really more of a personal opinion of mine and it has to do with the petition and those who hope that enough strongly worded emails will make the filmmakers to reconsider even releasing the film. Personally, I think it's wrong to try to strong-arm someone into doing or not doing something just because you disagree with it. It is the film maker's right to make a film voicing their opinion about whatever they want, and I feel it would be morally wrong to stop them from saying whatever they want, in whatever medium they choose, just because I, or anyone, disagrees with it. Yes, even if I feel like their opinion is wrong or misleading. They have every right to make the film, just as I have every right to don a fluffy dress with cupcakes on it and carry a purse shaped like a rabbit head to go grocery shopping in (Incidentally, I actually own neither of those things, my dresses mostly have flowers on them, and my purse is shaped like a bat).

I also am obviously part of the minority in the Lolita community that doesn't believe this film should never see the light of day for fear that it might make people jump to conclusions about the Lolita fashion, as if they don't already, and I debated whether or not I should even make this post because I just sort of didn't want to get involved. But I guess I am involved, even if just because I do wear the same style of clothes of a girl on a poster, so there's no sense in pretending as if I don't have an opinion on the matter.

So, instead of urging you to sign a petition or write angry emails demanding a film not be made, I'm going to urge you to take a deep breath, and just calm down. If you don't like the idea of the film, complain to your friends about it and then don't watch it, but don't try to stop it from being shown because you disagree with it, or even worse, show up to the premier dressed like the movie poster proclaiming just how controversial this self-proclaimed controversial film is. There are plenty of times when petitions and protests are 100% appropriate if you disagree with something, but I do not believe that this is that time. 

What are my thoughts on this particular film? Like I mentioned above, the self-proclaimed "controversy for controversy's sake" angle really turns me off of some films, but if it wasn't for that, based on the trailer it just looks like any other documentary about the subject, and I really don't see a reason to hate it, or even think it's somehow "more controversial" than any other documentary out there.

Again, I'm not going to urge you to sign any petitions, or even to agree with me, I'm just going to urge you to give it two seconds thought and be reasonable about whatever your actions are. If you don't agree with the film, and dislike the use of Lolita in it, that's perfectly fine, but maybe you should give it a second thought before you really do turn an unknown film into the "most controversial film ever" that it hopes to be.

You can check out this page on EGL, which links to the various topics that were posted on the subject of this film, including the petition. You can also check out the film's website here, because if you haven't yet, and are considering signing a petion or demanding that they change their film to suit yourself, I hope you've at least learned all you possibly can about exactly what it is you're trying to stop.

Post Script: I didn't want to go into this, because at this point it is only rumor, but since people keep mentioning it in the comments I may has well.  In regards to the model supposedly being tricked into doing the photoshoot: as far as I know the model has not actually said anything at all about her modeling for the poster. There are also two different stories I have heard, one saying the model was told the photoshoot was for a fashion spread, and one saying that there were actually a group of Lolitas who were going to pose for the photo, but after hearing what the movie was about, they all dropped out but her. However, I don't know if either of these rumors are true, and I'm not going to make any assumptions based on what is just a rumor at this point.

10 Misconceptions About Lolita

Lolita is often a very misunderstood fashion, a lot of different people think a lot of different things about it, not all of which are anywhere close to true! I am sure anyone who has worn the fashion a fair amount in public, or even someone who simply loves to do the occasional Google search for "Lolita" has heard any number of these applied to themselves and the fashion they enjoy so much. The following misconceptions are ones that I have often heard, either told directly to me, or talked about in forums where people didn't think Lolitas were listening! Of course, not everyone outside of the Lolita fashion feels this way, but these are just some of the more negative or generalizing misconceptions that some people seem to have about Lolita fashion, as well as a little bit of musing, and a little bit of ranting, about why people feel this way about Lolita.

1) It's named "Lolita", which is also the title of a fictional book about a sexually promiscuous young girl, so that must mean that people who wear Lolita are doing it because they want to attract pedophiles! 

Probably the #1 misconception about the Lolita fashion is that we must all be pedo-bait simply because of our name. Hearing things like this always sort of makes me shake my head in disbelief, even though I had been hearing a very similar complaint before I even discovered Lolita, the good old "Goth?! You're so stupid, don't you know that Goth means a style of architecture/was a tribe of invaders? How can you wear architecture/invaders!?" Honestly, the disbelief comes from the fact that I find it hard to believe that people who say things like this have ever even read the book Lolita, or know anything about classical architecture or Roman history. Am I going to be lectured on the original meaning of "decimate" as well? 

Here's the thing, I know what the book Lolita is about, I have actually read it. I also know that the term was coined years ago in a non-English speaking country that often uses English words in ways that we don't. I also know that sometimes words have multiple meanings and that sometimes, over the years, words change to mean different things. 

Years ago, for whatever reason, the world "Lolita" was coined to describe our fashion. Why? I honestly don't know. Speculation is that "Lolita" got loosely translated to mean a young girl and thus got applied to that group of girls dressing in what looked like young girl's fashion, "Lolita" being a foreign girls name and the fashion often taking inspiration from more Western and less traditional Japanese youth's fashion, the name just clicked. For the record, Lolita looked significantly different in the mid 90's (which is the earliest I have noticed the term "Lolita" used to describe the fashion) ago than it did now, so the current idea of what a Lolita should look like, actually looks very little like whatever it was that made people want to call it Lolita in the first place.

2) Lolitas love anime, they must if they are always dressing up as anime characters!

Believe it or not, Lolitas actually have many different interests. Some love anime, some don't particularly care for it, very few of them are wearing Lolita simply for their love of anime. 

Lolita is not an anime invention, quite the opposite actually, Lolitas are in anime because it was a real-world fashion first. To say that people wear Lolita because it is occasionally featured in anime is the same as saying that people dye their hair unnatural colors just because anime characters frequently have naturally colored hair.

3) Aren't all Lolitas completely obsessed with the fashion to the point that they've built a lifestyle around it? Don't they all wear it constantly while sipping tea on their pink stuffed animal covered bed while listening to classical music?

No, not even close. Again, Lolitas actually have a lot of different interests, just like regular people, no two Lolitas are exactly the same. While some Lolitas choose to wear the fashion as much as they possibly can and live the Lolita Lifestyle, to most Lolitas the fashion is really just that, just a fashion. A fabulous and frilly fashion that they spend hundreds and hundreds of dollars on, but a fashion none the less.

4) I thought Lolitas are supposed to be polite and nice all the time!

This is often the cry of someone who, upon joining an online Lolita community for the first time, somehow manages to get into an argument with someone and is completely shocked to find that *gasp* Lolitas are arguing back and generally not being cupcakes, kittens, and rainbows. Yes, believe it or not, most Lolitas are not in perpetual polite mode, at least not any more than any other regular human being is. 

This fact is often used to shame Lolitas "For a bunch of girls dressed so pretty, you sure acted ugly, tsk tsk." Frankly, this assumption is complete BS. Not only are we Lolitas, but we are also just, more or less, regular people. We're not playing some sort of strict roll-playing game when we slip on a petticoat. You wouldn't shame a Goth for smiling, a Hippy for wearing shoes, or a Punk for engaging in an activity that doesn't involve throwing bricks through windows, so why shame a Lolita the instant they steps outside of the Lolita cliche?

5) Lolita came from Japan, therefore it's only okay when Asians wear the fashion.

I really hate to hear this. I especially hate to hear this from what are, otherwise, perfectly pleasant to be around people. It always sounds so, well, racist. "Oh, well it's okay when those wacky real-life-anime Japanese people wear Lolita, it is just what they do over there, but when normal people wear it, it's just weird!" There is absolutely no reason why non-Japanese cannot wear Lolita. Lolita is, by no means, a traditional Japanese style of dressing, even if it is heavily embedded in their pop-culture, so you can't even make the argument that it is disrespectful towards their culture to wear it (side note: here's an interesting blog article about "borrowing" cultural dress as a fashion statement!). People all around the world, of all different races, wear Lolita fabulously.

6) Most Lolitas don't have the confidence, aren't fashionable enough, or don't have the right kind of looks to wear "normal" clothes, so they wear Lolita to feel pretty, because they can't any other way.

A misconception that many alternative sub-cultures face, not just Lolita. When someone dresses strangely, some people feel that it is because it is the only option for them, for whatever reason. Even if this was true, that Lolita was only worn by people just trying to find a way to feel pretty or special, what would be so wrong with that?

Many of us want to feel special in some way or another, why should someone get to say that there should be a line (at least, within the realm of fashion) that you cannot cross to feel that way? If wearing Sugary Carnival and a hat shaped like a merry-go-round is the only way you can think of that will make you happy, no one really has the right to say "No, that's just too far! Wallow in your misery until you find something socially acceptable that will make you happy."

While Lolita might not be popping up in mainstream fashion magazines, urging everyone to buy the newest Angelic Pretty dress, or how to get that Juliette et Justine look for Bodyline prices, it can still be just as challenging to create unique coordinates in as it is in any currently trendy or even high-end fashion, and it usually takes twice as much guts to rock even the simplest Lolita look with confidence as it does more mainstream fashions. So, to say that a Lolita knows nothing about fashion just because they're not wearing a fashion you're familiar with is just silly, and I'd like to see the fashionista who who sneers at the Lolita try to put together a creative coordinate using a Lolita's wardrobe and not come out looking like a hot mess.

7) Lolitas are people who are trying to relive their early childhood. Either because they were picked on and abused as a child, or they have a sexual fetish for it.

Things like poofy dresses, the color pink, and pigtails are often synonymous with little girls clothes (regardless of the fact that, more and more, it seems like little girls are just dressing up like little grown-ups nowadays!) some people make the assumption that we must, therefore, want to be little girls again. The truth is, most Lolitas are perfectly content with their current age, and the ones that do dress childishly, are just one of many facets of the Lolita fashion.

I really don't know why people often assume that the childishness in the fashion is either the result of a dark and buried past, or a secret fetish, but this is another thing that seems to often be the case with alternative sub-cultures and fashion, that when someone sees someone wearing something strange it's for a strange reason, not simply because the person wearing it happens to like the way it looks.

8) Lolitas love attention and just want people to stare at how strange they look, why else would they wear something like that?

This is another one of those things that makes shake my head in disbelief, the idea that only people who are dressed "strange" want people to look at them. Nearly every fashion trend in casual mainstream fashion seems like it was meant to get people's attention. Walk into any clothing store and you'll find tons of tee shirts either with witty sayings meant to provoke a response from people, blunt proclamations of what you think about yourself, what kind of significant other you're currently on the prowl for, or to loudly proclaim your favorite bands/movies/hobbies; open up any fashion magazine and you'll find it filled with articles about how to make yourself stand out in a crowd in the trendiest way possible. If standing out is such an apparent crime, why aren't more fashion magazines talking about the most inconspicuous shapeless sack dresses to wear this summer and why aren't there more clothing stores devoted to completely utilitarian extra large plain grey sweatpants?

Everyone seems to be obsessed with drawing attention to themselves, but if that attention comes from an out-of-the-ordinary fashion, then it's all the sudden bad attention. Except that, most of the time, those of us who put ourselves out there and dress "weird" are really doing it only for ourselves, not so that others will look at us, but because we truly love the way it looks and feel our best when we're wearing something we completely love. Most of us don't actually love it when strangers yell obscene and stupid things at us, in fact, some people hate that kind of attention so much they are afraid to wear what they love.

9) Only spoiled rich girls can be Lolitas! They must just sit around all day buying clothes online with credit cards mommy and daddy pay for, how else can they have expensive things that require more than a minute to put on? 

Believe it or not, some people actually have jobs. Jobs they use to help fund things they enjoy, like wearing clothes. Life is not spent either working 24/7 or completely devoted to playing dress up. While Lolita does take a bit of dedication, most Lolitas are completely capable of managing their money and their time so that they can fit the clothes into their budget, and the fashion into their lives. Besides, Lolita doesn't really take that long to put on!

10) Lolita fashion is way too strict! There are rules for everything! How can you express yourself at all if you have to remember about a thousand stupid rules about how you're supposed to look?!

I feel like this might be the opinion of someone who thought they might be into Lolita, tried it, and found it too difficult, and now they have quite the bitter outlook on the fashion. While, yes, there are "rules" to Lolita, there are also "rules" to every other possible fashion style out there. After all, you wouldn't say you're a "jeans and tee shirt kind of gal" if you rarely bothered to wear jeans and teeshirts, so really, there are rules to something as simple as that as well. While the guidelines for Lolita are sometimes a little more complicated than other fashions, they are fairly generous and can easily be bent and even broken if you have even a moderate grasp on the fashion.

In regards to expressing yourself while being limited to a certain set of rules, well, the Lolita fashion is not the only way Lolitas express themselves, in fact, most everyone finds other ways besides just their clothes to express themselves. Just because it's hard to work a hoodie announcing your favorite band to the world (see misconception #8) doesn't mean that Lolita is necessarily trying to stifle you underneath a layer of lace, petticoats, and strict rules about skirt length.

Boxing Yourself Into One Style

I have noticed, and gotten a number of questions about it, that a lot of Lolitas, especially beginner ones, try to box themselves in to one specific style. I'm sure you've heard it before "Oh! I love that dress so much! I wish I could get it, but I'm a Sweet Lolita :(" Some Lolita's just love to limit themselves to one particular style, sub-style, or even color! While there are some good reasons to limit yourself to such things (ease of coordination, to stick to a budget, because you don't have the space) there's really no reason why such limitations are required. There's really no law that says that Gothic Lolitas have to wear black and blue for all eternity, that Sweet Lolitas can never own anything with raw asymmetrical hems, or that Classic Lolitas can never own a skirt with any print other than flowers on it.

I feel like this "You must be X-Lolita forever, and if you want to be Y-Lolita you have to sell your X wardrobe off completely to fund your new Y wardrobe" attitude is just another misconception some Lolitas have about their own fashion, maybe brought on by taking some advice about wardrobe coordination a little too far, or because they feel like they need to present themselves as more dedicated than anyone else. While I can understand the appeal of utter dedication to one specific style, I think that it sucks some of the fun out of the fashion. Even if you fall in love with OTT Sweet, it's okay to have a few black pieces in your wardrobe if you absolutely love the pieces.

My own wardrobe is all over the place when it comes to style! I have a lot of Gothic, a bunch of Sweet, a growing amount of Classic, and a little bit of Punk, Country, and Aristocrat. While I have had years to nurture my closet, I have found it to be relatively easy and cheap to add small, workable, sections of various different Lolita styles to my wardrobe. It just takes some creativity and a little bit of patience.

Tips for making the most (styles!) out of your wardrobe:

• Stick to simple pieces. Especially if you're just starting out! Avoid prints that are obviously meant to work with one specific style (gothic castles, sparkly unicorns, that kind of thing) and try to build a base wardrobe of solid colors, neutral tartans, stripes, dots, or even florals. I really believe in the versatility of floral prints!
  
• Don't be afraid to snag a good deal every now and then. Try not to go crazy, but if you do happen to see a dress or skirt that's not your normal style, but you really like it and it's got a great price, grab it! Worry about coordinating it when you get it. Try making coordinates with it with what you already have on hand. Don't think that a Punk Lolita skirt is only going to match a Punk Lolita top, pair it with some Sweet Lolita if you have to! This leads me to the next tip:
  
• Experiment with your current wardrobe. Don't be afraid to Experiment! Try to make different styles with what you already have, with a little bit of creativity, you'll be surprised at the different looks you can create with basic pieces.
  
• Accessorize. Accessories are a great way to add some different styles to your wardrobe for much cheaper than buying all new pieces, and are usually just the thing to turn that one lone black skirt in your closet into an unquestionably Gothic Lolita outfit.
• Don't worry so much about specific styles. If you want to wear a tartan Putumayo, safety pin covered skirt with a pink Angelic Pretty bow-splosion blouse, try it out! Don't worry about your outfits not fitting perfectly into one style. It's perfectly OK to have an outfit that is a little bit of several different styles. So long as the outfit looks balanced and the colors don't clash horribly, it shouldn't matter what styles you mash together.
  

If you want some more ideas for stretching your style choices with a minimal wardrobe, check out these older posts of mine. One Dress- Five Different Looks is about how versatile a simple print dress can be and Gothic Lolita Starter Coordinates is about all the different styles you can play with in a relatively small Gothic Lolita wardrobe.

What are your opinions on the various Lolita styles? Do you find yourself going down the list of them each time you dress up, pastel explosion Sweet one day, stark black and white Aristocrat the next, and refined muted mossy green Classic sometime next week? Or do you prefer a closet comprised completely of one style? Has your opinion on styles changed over your life as a Lolita? I've always pretty much felt the way I do about it, when I first started I wanted to try all of the styles I possibly could. I felt it wasn't right saying "I'm a Gothic Lolita!" until I had also spent a little bit of time in Sweet Lolita. While I didn't exactly go about this in the most efficient way (I would buy one outfit in one style, save up for a long time, and then buy another outfit in another style), sampling as many styles as I could really helped me find my own style.

Gothic & Lolita Bible 37

I feel like I've been waiting forever for the new Bible to come out! Like many Lolita's, I don't really buy the Bibles any more. With import fees they are just too expensive and sometimes they are nearly impossible to find without having to spend even more on shipping. So, instead I wait around for someone else to buy it and scan it and upload it to Jmagazinescans, a Live Journal community devoted to scanning and uploading Japanese magazines. Earlier this morning I did my usual desperate check on the comm to see if the new Bible has been uploaded, and what do you know!? It has been! By two different people no less. You can download your own copy here or here. Of course, there are drawbacks to just downloading the magazine, first of all being that you aren't supporting the makers of the magazine, but also you sometimes have to deal with low resolution scans, missing pages, and you don't get to have your own flesh and blood (er, paper and glue) copy of the magazine. But, for free, you can't complain, and you can always pick up the real thing later if you really like it, and if you can find it.

This issue of G&LB was sort of a let down. Nothing really blew my mind and the photoshoots ranged from "meh" to "sort of neat". The patterns, on the other hand, are awesome, and a good incentive to actually buy it since scans of the patterns are nearly never included with scans of the magazine. Pattern scans for this issue feature a beautiful BtSSB nightgown, an h.NAOTO headpiece, a Peace Now star shaped purse, an Angelic Pretty hooded capelet, and an Innocent World apron, bustle skirt, and detachable bib collar. That's enough goodies to make up for the uninspired photos and coordinates!

One final thing, before I get to a few of my favorite pages, on the topic of complaining about things I love, let's talk about these new photo covers :( Frankly, I hate them. I loved the beautiful cover art that the Bibles used to feature and I really don't care about whoever it is on any of the covers. There is, sadly, little art inside each of the Bibles, so why take it off the cover and replace it with something you can find in abundance inside? The illustrated covers felt like something much more special to me, with glamor shots on the cover it feels like just another fashion magazine. The Bibles have always been a little bit more than just a fashion magazine, containing bits of Loliwisdom and sewing projects and all sorts of other useful things that make you a well-rounded Lolita, even if you couldn't always read the language. But the cover glamor shots sort of take away that feeling for me.

What did I like about this issue besides the patterns? Well, there were a few things at least, and I'd like to share some of them with you. Click for a much larger picture.

This issue also featured what looked like an in-depth guide to the different kinds of Lolita clothes and styles and laces. Which would be pretty useful and interesting, if I could actually read Japanese!

Lolita Movie: Mister Rococo

While checking my blog roll, I noticed mention of an upcoming Lolita film, Mr. Rococo. Mr. Rococo is an upcoming Lolita centric-film about a Lolita who falls for a guy who only likes strong girls, so to win his heart, this frilly little girl starts lifting weights and training. While this upcoming movie isn't actually a feature length film, like Kamakazi Girls was, it's apparently a short film, to be show at the Short Shorts Film Festival, a Film Festival featuring shorts that clock in at under 25 minutes.

This sounds like a cute and fun film, a guilty pleasure for Lolitas everywhere. The plot sounds like silly fun, and the main character is at least a departure from the frail and helpless girl that Momoko aspired to be.

There are a few things about this movie that kind of rub me the wrong way, mainly the way that movies like this often seem to be like feature length commercials for our favorite burando. But, all in all, I don't think this movie is meant to be taken very seriously, it seems like a silly romp through the frills that probably has a heart warming message at the end. So I'll try to quench my apparent rage at being advertised to, for something I already buy in abundance, whenever it is I get around to watching this film.

If you want to check out a trailer for the upcoming short, click here to head over to their official site!

So, what do you think about the upcoming Mister Rococo? Silly Lolita fun, or obnoxious feature length commercial? What kind of Lolita movies would you like to see made? More light and fluffy pieces about Lolitas that live in a pastel dreamworld, or more realistic pieces where Lolitas are just normal girls in fancy dresses that have relateable problems?

The Prejudice Against Raschel Lace

Recently Baby the Stars Shine Bright has put out a few pieces with raschel lace overlays, and while something like this is entirely a matter of taste, I can't help but get the feeling that some people instantly decide the dress is not something they would ever want touching their wardrobe is simply because of the fact that it is raschel lace.

This is the dress in question, a recent release from Baby. There is nothing wrong or un-Lolita from a design point of view with this dress, and pretty much no one could argue that this dress is ugly or un-Lolita if it were made from all cotton. But because of some lace it goes from good to Queen of the Itas. Of course, as I have said before, bad lace can make or break a dress, but I honestly don't think this is one of those occasions, even though this dress is indeed covered with raschel lace. Why? Because not all raschel lace is created equal. Lets take a look at some close-up shots.

The lace that this dress is made with, even though it's raschel, looks soft, delicate, and pretty, and yet so many people are willing to cry "Ew! Raschel lace?!" Now, this isn't a "Well, a brand is doing it so it's OK no matter how ugly it is," this is sort of the opposite, people instantly disliking something because of a material used in it. Much like satin, raschel lace isn't always bad just because poor quality satin and raschel lace is often used in cheap, poorly made ita wear. There is good raschel lace out there, and honestly this dress looks like it's made with some damned fine lace, regardless of the name of said lace.

These dresses are not equal!

You might not like the BtSSB dress, you might find it ugly, but if your opinion was fully formed before you really got a good look at the dress, that's really not fair.

So, dear readers, what is your opinion on this dress and raschel lace in general? Do you feel better avoiding it altogether or are you more than willing to add some to your wardrobe provided that it is soft and pretty? Personally, I love the look of the raschel lace overlay on the BtSSB bodice. I'm not too much a fan of the skirt tiers, it's just not my style, but I think it does look pretty and creates a very frothy poof to the skirt.

Making Lolita Brands More Accessible

A screen cap from the movie Kamakazi Girls

Note: This post isn't meant to imply that if Lolita brands did these things they would be rolling in the yens, just that there are some things that I feel brands do that hold back a lot of girls from ever really being able to get into Lolita. Again, this post is meant as kind of a rant/pipe dream, not me trying to assume I know how businesses work XD

Lolita brands tend to cater to a niche market, and that niche is typically petite girls who want to wear expensive and eccentric high-end clothes. As you all know though, not all Lolitas are petite, or even interested in wearing something known for being expensive, many Lolitas simply want to be able to buy and wear their favorite style of clothes. But, because the typical Lolita is not the Lolita that most brands make their clothes for, she is left out in the cold. Yes, there are many brand Lolita pieces that can fit a variety of sizes, and buying second hand can help bring down the cost, but buying whatever the hell you want, directly from the brand is not something your average Lolita will ever bother with, or sometimes even be able to do.

It is true that in the past year or so many Lolita brands have indeed expanded their shops to Western shores, either literally, in Baby's case, or through at the very least releasing an English web shop that ships overseas. Along with this, Baby has begun releasing a few select dresses in large size, and even on occasion an extra large. These are big steps from clothing stores that several years ago wouldn't even ship overseas and typically made one size of dress that is anything but "one size fits all". But I think it is a far cry from what Lolita brands can be doing to make both their clothes, and thus Lolita in general, more accessible. I also feel like if Lolita brands addressed some of these issues, fewer Lolitas would be so eager to throw their money at poor quality knock-off shops.

The following list might all just be dreams of mine, but I feel that if Lolita brands did these things, Lolita would be even bigger than it is now.

• Expand to the West. Either by offering overseas shipping, or opening shop here. It's no secret that Lolita isn't as big as it used to be in the early 2000's in Japan, the whole fashion seems to have migrated West. There are literally thousands of customers outside of Japan that many brands are cutting themselves off from by not, at the very least, offering overseas shipping.
• Multiple sizes. This is one is important. Not everyone fits standard brand size, therefore, not everyone can buy brand, so, dear burandos, why not make it so most everyone can buy from you? Sure, some brands offer L sized clothes, but brand large isn't exactly very big, and L sized Lolita clothes are often only offered for a handful of very simple JSKs. Why brands don't make their most popular prints in larger sizes is a mystery to me since most girls are climbing all over each other and practically throwing money at their computer screens trying to get some brands newest prints.
  
• Friendlier customer service. There have been several horror stories on EGL of people spending hundreds of dollars on one item of clothing directly from a Lolita brand, receiving it only to find that something is horribly wrong, emailing the brand, and basically being told "Too bad, I don't see anything wrong." A pair of $300 Innocent World boots with a seriously crooked front come to mind. In the West, we expect to get what we pay for, in Japan, you might be paying a lot for something just for the privilege of owning something expensive.
• Lower priced "logo" items. No, this isn't a demand for Angelic Pretty to start selling all their dresses for $60, I just think that it would be awesome if Lolita brands sold a few select things for a cheaper price, for when you need that burando fix ASAP. A sub-cutsew perhaps, just a simple puffy sleeved tee with their brand logo or newest print on the front, not one of the $80+ blouses in teeshirt material that are often in the cutsew section. Or even bringing back the logo tote, something that I have seen less and less of in brand shops over the years, which I always thought was awesome because they were typically $30 and had the brands logo plastered all over it, just the thing to add to your cart at the last minute. In fact, my first brand item was a couple of Logo totes because I had minimal money to spend and I just wanted something brand right now. I feel like cheaper brand items would also encourage the non-Lolita to buy from places like Angelic Pretty or Baby every now and then and encourage the Lolita to wear her precious brand in her non-Lolita coordinates. After all, cute and girly clothes rarely go out of style.
  

Will brands ever do some of these things? I doubt it. But why is it? Is it the cost? I know that it is cost effective for a brand, especially one that sells to such a specific niche, to make only one size of clothing, but I honestly do believe that most brands can indeed do things like offer every dress they sell in multiple sizes, many other brands that cater to alternative fashions do. I just don't think Japanese Lolita brands are willing to. Many Japanese brands, both Lolita and otherwise, tend to make their clothes in smaller quantities, and smaller sizes, to keep them exclusive, and thus, make them even more special than a $300 pink princess dress already is. It makes the clothes, the brand, and every one wearing them part of something more exclusive than it really needs to be. Someone really needs to send Mana a note letting him no that he's not actually Christian Dior, no matter how high he prices his clothes.

I am not going to deny it, I have a love hate relationship with Lolita, especially Lolita brands. On one hand, I love Lolita, it's what I wear nearly every day, it's what I spend large amounts of time and money on, it inspires me, and I just love it and I can't help it. On the other, I hate some of the stuff Lolita brands do, I hate their stupid sizes, I hate their blatant over pricing (No, I'm not talking about their dresses, which I think are reasonably priced for the most part, but things like injection molded plastic jewelry, pleather shoes and purses that are on par with PayLess quality, and most cutsews), and I hate the elitist attitude that many brands seem to have. I want to love certain Lolita brands unconditionally, but I just can't, and don't think think I ever will be able to unless they start to change how they do things. But, then again, should I really trust anyone who asks for hundreds of my dollars, even if it is in exchange for pretty party dresses?

If you're interested in a response about why these things probably aren't going to happen (and a few things that I was just plain wrong about, oops XD) check out this response from The Osaka Koneko.

So, fellow Lolitas, agree or disagree? Do you think brands run just dandy the way they are, or would the brand of your dreams run things a little differently?