Lolita Brand Replicas, Counterfeits, and Knock-offs

This is a pretty hot issue at the moment, and is also one of Lolita's most notorious dead horses. I can hear the groans already, but let's get out the beatin' sticks, because I'm about to drag this dead horse out again! For the sake of clarification, when I talk about "replicas" I am talking about what most Lolitas mean when they talk about replicas, and that is the illegal counterfeit kind that feature directly copied, copyrighted and protected by law, art and logos, that is print replicas. I am not talking about dress A that just so happens to look like dress B, because we all know that you can't put a trademark or a copyright on where you want to put your bows, but you can indeed put one art and logos. In fact, they happen automatically, for everyone, professional or not, as soon as the art has been created.

I have been asked before, on both my Tumblr and Formspring, what I think about replicas, and generally my answer has been something along the lines of "You can do whatever you want to do, but I am not a fan of them", but because of the hot issue around the replica debate, I tended to shy away from elaborating on why I am not a fan of replicas. However, in recent months, especially after the ban EGL placed on discussing and selling replicas, I have been a little bit more vocal about my opinions on the matter.

I'd like to start this post by mentioning that I didn't always feel this way about replicas, there was a time when replicas first started to really be made that I didn't mind them and thought they were a good idea for people to sort of "test drive" styles, or for those "I like it, but I don't $300 like it" pieces. However, at this time there were a very small handful of replicas and very few people owned them. In short, it simply wasn't a big deal. Fast forward to now and replicas are a huge deal. Replicas are no longer just being made of long-sold-out prints or considered just another option, but groups for preordering replicas are being made while the original is still in reserve. People are buying originals with the intent to send to replica makers so that they can then produce dozens of replicas on-demand. Replicas are no longer just another option, but are often times considered the only other option besides brand. After the replica ban went down on EGL, so many people started asking "But what am I supposed to wear?!" and I was just flabbergast at that. Simply put, replicas had become such a huge part of the Lolita community that many people simply didn't know that there was anything other there besides brand and replicas. So think of this post as a sort of continuation of the last post about misconceptions that Lolitas have about other Lolitas, only this is about the 10 major misconceptions people tend to have about replicas and their impact on Lolita.

Oh, Kamikaze Girls, how do you keep being relevant?

1) I wear replicas because brands don't ______!

Let's just stop before we even get to that blank! If your main reason for wearing replicas is because of something brands don't do, you're missing one of the most important things that Lolitas have been proclaiming for over a decade now, and that is: you don't have to wear brand to be a Lolita! There are a variety of other places to buy original Lolita pieces, as well as the ever present option to make them yourself. There are dozens of indie brands from all over the world, "budget" brands that make high quality Lolita, and seamstresses who specialize in Lolita, all who are willing to cater to a variety of different styles, sizes, and budgets!

The funny part about people who proclaim that they buy replicas because brands don't do X, is that replicas are a relatively recent thing to pop up within the fashion, and it's absurd to claim that prior to this current replica trend Lolitas only wore brand! However, regardless of this very major loophole in the pro-replica argument, nearly every argument for replicas still start out with "Well, brands don't..."

2) But brands don't offer clothes in my size! To reiterate the paragraph above, brand is not your only option, there are many indie brands, budget brands, and seamstresses who are more than happy to offer their clothes in custom sizes. Even in this bizarro world that people often cite when arguing for replicas where only replicas and brands exist, there are actually many plus size options within brands. In addition to many brand dresses sometimes being incredibly generous with shirring (I have an Innocent World JSK that used to belong to a friend of mine with a nearly 50" bust, it fit her just fine and it fits me just fine too! That's the power of shirring!) many brands will also offer certain dresses in larger sizes. For a more complete list of larger options within brands, check out this list on EGL_Plus.

3) But replicas are cheap! I can't afford anything else/I need a cheaper option because I'm afraid of ruining brand. If you think that replicas are your cheapest option for Lolita, you are kind of just throwing your money out the window. Replicas, especially considering that they almost always need to be imported and shipping from foreign countries tends to have hefty fees, are absolutely not the cheapest Lolita you can buy. With shipping, replicas are going to run you between $75 and $140. For these prices, you can actually buy secondhand brand, very easily. If secondhand isn't quite your thing, almost any Taobao indie Lolita brand is going to have a multitude of pieces that are the same prices, and often cheaper, as your average replica. I have a number of gorgeous Lolita dresses and skirts that, with very minimal hunting, I picked up for between $25 and $50! So if you can afford replicas, you can pretty much afford anything else within Lolita. This tumblr is almost exclusively Taobao Lolita shops, seriously, check out this stuff, it's gorgeous!

4) Brands don't care or they would be more active trying to stop replicas!

Sometimes the size issue falls under this topic, as many people feel that brand's don't care about replicas because brands do not release more plus sized pieces. This, as mentioned above, is simply untrue and it's plain to see that over the years brands have done all they can to offer a variety of sizes. Many people also feel that brands don't care because they don't see brands calling out replicas all the time, but once again, this is also simply untrue. Generally, Japanese businesses are known for having a sort of "ignore it and it will go away" attitude about things they don't like, replicas being one of these things.

However, despite that, several brands have been outspoken about replicas in the past! Angelic Pretty and Baby both ban replicas from their tea parties and events, and Mary Magdalene and Innocent World have actually both released statements speaking out on replicas. Angelic Pretty, arguably the brand that is most often replicated, was even the brand that contacted EGL in the first place and asked that they disallow the sale and discussion of replicas. It's clear that brands know about, and care that replicas of their products exist; it's honestly hard to imagine a designer that wouldn't care! The sad fact of the matter is that, because all of the replica-producing companies are in China, there is very little they can do to stop them besides letting people know that they do not approve.

5) It doesn't hurt brands, because ______.

There are a lot of things that can go in that blank, the two largest being "brands make a lot of money and it doesn't affect them" and "people who buy replicas don't buy brand, for whatever reason, so brands aren't losing customers". Once again, both of these ideas are simply incorrect, or gross over simplifications. Lolita brands are not major corporations. They are relatively small businesses that release a relatively small number of dresses worldwide. There aren't huge offices somewhere filled with a team of people who decide what the next print will be, and then a whole different team to help design it, most brands have a small handful of designers who are often very active in several aspects of the brand.

The notion that people who buy from replica companies will never buy from brands is also simply not true, as many Lolitas who own replicas will also own brand pieces. Even if they are not necessarily buying from brands on a regular basis because of size or budget, there are still a number of different places to buy original pieces from, and ultimately, that's who replicas are going to hurt most, the smaller indie brands who are releasing some amazing and quality pieces that are going virtually unnoticed, because instead of buying from them, people are content to buy a cheap knockoff.

6) But I don't even like brands, so I just don't care.

This is by far the weirdest excuse I've heard, and I've heard it a number of times! If you legitimately do not like something... why are you wearing it? I feel like this would be the same as walking around in a band tee for a band that you actually hate, just because you like the picture on it. If you don't like it, there are tons of different options out there!

I'm even confused by the idea of a Lolita that dislikes Lolita brands. Being a Lolita does not mean you're obligated to love everything brands release, or obsess over them, or even be very enthusiastic about them, but as a Lolita, you should probably be aware that what we consider Lolita is a direct result of all that Lolita brands have done, from their clothing designs to cultivating a community around the fashion. Simply put, without the brands, we wouldn't have Lolita. I almost sort of feel that this "I hate brands! What have they ever done for me!" attitude is a feigned one, some sort of rebellion that considers "brand" a bad word (sort of that whole "I hate the mall! Except for Hot Topic..." attitude that's prevalent in a lot of young rebels) or a jumping-the-gun bristling at the fact that, for whatever reason, they think they can't have what the brand offers.

7) But replicas will help because it will means brands are seeing why they're losing business and change for the better!

Not at all! I've seen a number of reasons why replicas are supposedly "good for brands", ranging from it means they will know that prints need to be re-released, prices will drop to compete with their own replicas, and brands will realize that they need to make more of X size or style. But the simple truth is that if replicas take business away from brands the only change brands will make is they will have to raise their prices and cut back on things like overseas stores and events to make up for lost business before simply going out of business.

8) It's hypocritical for you to be against replicas, because ______!

So many things have gone in this blank! Let's take a look at some of the favorites that people love to throw around: you probably wear shoes that are designed after brand shoes, you probably downloaded music one time/watched a movie on Youtube/looked at magazine scans online, you don't consider similarly designed non-print dresses "wrong", you buy clothes that look similar to designer clothes from mainstream shops.These are all, simply put, ridiculous excuses.

It's just completely ridiculous to claim that just because someone might commit one crime, no matter how minor (I've seen people compare replicas to jaywalking before!), they should be ok with committing others, this is besides the fact that downloading movies/magazines/music isn't even remotely similar to what's going on with replicas. A more accurate comparison would be not to compare buying replicas to pirating, but to buying low quality cam-ripped bootleg copies of new movies, only instead of big Hollywood blockbusters they're bootlegs of independent movies and student films.

On the other side of the argument you have the people saying that because replicas are sort of similar to the idea of the trickle-down theory within fashion, they should be acceptable. However, it's absolutely not a crime to be inspired by something and to create your own version, it's in poor taste but still legal to be a little too inspired to the point of simply copying non-print/logo designs, and it's still completely illegal to take someone else's art and another companies logo and to slap them on your own products and sell them. It's true that many of the cheaper clothes you can pick up in mainstream clothing stores are inspired by runway high fashions, but when one brand actually go out of the way to directly steal other designer's prints and logos, you better believe that people call them out on it! There are a number of blogs out there that are dedicated on calling out mainstream shops for copying, you can check out You Thought We Wouldn't Notice for callouts that range from shady inspiration to illegally using other designers prints and logos.

9) But if I don't own a brand print, I won't be considered a real Lolita!

I rarely see this in so many words, but it's an idea that is often lurking just beneath the surface of so many arguments for replicas, especially those that are worded in a way to imply that because brands do not cater to someone's particular budget or size, people who do not approve of replicas are saying that people in that size/budget are not allowed to wear Lolita, period. This is another completely ridiculous excuse for owning replicas, and it is such a shallow idea of what Lolita is! Not only is Lolita more than just brands, it is more than just popular brand prints. If you look for options within your budget and price range (and, surprise! there's a good chance you can find them even within brand) you're still going to find countless options, that are all totally accepted as being a part of Lolita.

10) But I want it!

Finally, an excuse to buy replicas that isn't hidden under layer-upon-layer of lies and willful ignorance! I applaud you for for being honest, however, it's still not really a good reason. Just because you want something, even if you really want it, is no real reason to support replicas when there are so many other, legal, places to buy Lolita from that you will probably love just as much. There are tons of Lolita pieces I want but can't have, but honestly, I just get over it. Just because I like something doesn't mean I'm entitled to own it.

If you find yourself only loving big name brand prints, maybe you should take a moment to think about what it is you love about them over the countless original designs produced by indie brands.

So, who do replicas hurt?

When it comes right down to it, replicas do hurt a number of different people. Replicas impact the brands they are stealing from in a negative way by loss of sales and market saturation, but they also harm the Lolita community as a whole in a less obvious way. The Lolita community has always been built on resourcefulness and creativity. Ever since the early days of the fashion, everyone has at some point experienced not being able to have something they want, maybe because it was sold out, not the right size, or they simply cannot afford it. This has lead to a lot of empty spots within the community that were quickly filled up by indie brands, whole economies based on secondhand sales, DIY tutorials so you could make whatever it was you needed, and various stores opening up outside of Japan that catered to bringing Lolita closer to those who wore it.

Nowadays, we are lucky enough to have a vast amount of indie shops that carter to a huge range of sizes, prices, and styles, however, so many Lolitas aren't willing to give these options a second thought, because they're too concerned with owning replicas of brand prints.

Ultimately, this trend towards replicas can do no good within the Lolita community. Instead of a paradise where Lolitas can have whatever they want, as many of these replica shops claim to want to create, what is actually happening is that creativity is going stagnant in favor of owning a cheap knockoff of a print. Instead of supporting indie brands created by Lolitas, for Lolitas, we're concerned about getting cheap replicas of brand prints that are still in reserve. Instead of buying secondhand goods within the Lolita community we're sending money to people only interested in making a buck. Instead of putting emphasis on quality, we're saying the quality isn't as important as the print being accurate and crisp. Instead of supporting the brands that had such a huge part in inventing the fashion we love, we're just ripping them off.

You're not any less of a Lolita if you happen to wear replicas, and I am not here to tell you how to spend your money, but it's hard to deny that by supporting replicas, you're supporting a practice that is actively harmful, in both blatant and subtle ways, to the Lolita fashion and community. To consider yourself pro-replica is to support a practice that is, frankly, anti-Lolita.

10 Misconceptions Lolitas have about Lolita

A little over a year ago I wrote a post about the top 10 misconceptions that people tend to have about Lolita, this time around I'd like to do something similar and write about the top 10 misconceptions that I often seen Lolitas have about other Lolitas and the fashion itself.
 
The Lolita community tends to be centered around the internet for many people due to how spread out fellow Lolitas tend to be, and the lack of real-life Lolita stores for many people. This is both a blessing and a curse! It's an amazing way to pool resources and to meet some fantastic people you may have never come across in your regular day-to-day life, but it is also a pretty easy way for rumors to travel and for anonymous opinions to be touted as truth. This is not even taking into consideration the unfortunate fact that some people are just a lot more rude on the other side of a computer screen than they might be in real life. I feel like an unfortunate combination of all three of these tends to lead to a number of half-truths and rumors that are considered actual fact by many.

The actual fact is the Lolita community is big, being composed of thousands and thousands of people worldwide, so it's a little silly to be making any sort of sweeping statements about those who wear the fashion, and many of the misconceptions about the fashion itself tend to boil down to people simply not bothering to take the extra step to educate themselves.

I'm loathe to admit this, but some of these things can be true about individuals, just like all sorts of awful things can be true about individuals, but you really shouldn't be making broad sweeping statements about a pretty large group of people, based on the actions of a few.

1) Lolitas who wear Bodyline or other cheaper brands are looked down upon. If you don't wear brand, people don't think you're a real Lolita.

This is the battle cry of the Lolita who has probably never actually met another Lolita, who's trying to psych herself up for the imagined verbal beat down she expects to get for shopping on a budget. This is also one of the biggest lies circulating around in Lolita. If you assume this, you obviously haven't been reading my blog!

The truth is that almost all Lolitas will own "budget" and offbrand pieces. They might not personally like to buy from your favorite cheaper brand, for whatever reason, but that doesn't mean they probably haven't jumped on the chance to score some cheap Lolita or looked for pieces to wear with their Lolita coordinates outside of brand catalogs.

The bottom line is that, so long as you are not actively being a jerk to everyone, most Lolitas don't actually cares how much or how little you spent on your outfit or what the name on the label says.

2) Lolitas with tattoos, facial piercings, unnaturally colored hair, identify as anything other than straight, are not female, have darker skin, are not a size 0, etc. are also looked down upon.

The first misconception dealt with what people choose to put on their body, this one tends to deal with the actual person and the complaint encompasses too huge of a list to even have here! Pretty much any deviation from a literal porcelain doll have been claimed as something other Lolitas will look down on you for being.

When it comes to "alternative" choices, such as tattoos, facial piercings, unnatural hair colors, etc. you're actually going to find that this is all pretty passé within the Lolita community. Lolita's might be known for looking like Pretty Pretty Princesses™ but the fact is that, despite the penchant towards pink, Lolita is an alternative fashion that is generally considered even weirder than your garden-variety punk or goth by your average person. Many people who are interested, and have the guts to wear, Lolita tend to sway towards the alternative anyways. I can't even tell you how many Lolitas I know are tattooed, pierced, and have decided to don a wig simply because they felt like their hair color du jour didn't quite match their outfit. You're not going to be able to please everyone with your own fashion choices, but most Lolitas aren't even going to bat an eye if you are pierced, tattooed, and dyed an unnatural color.

For things that you can't exactly choose, such as sexuality, gender, skin color, ethnicity, religion, size, etc. you're going to honestly find much of the same attitude towards alternative fashion choices. Many people have found that alternative styles or subcultures are often much more accepting of these things than mainstream society, and Lolita isn't any different. I've gotten a ton of questions on my formspring, and the question is frequently repeated in Lolita communities all over, asking "I'm _____, can I be a Lolita?" and the answer is always "Yes! Anyone can be a Lolita!". When it comes right down to it, Lolita is simply clothes (adding a lifestyle is completely optional), and the amazing thing about clothes is that everyone actually wears them!

The same as the first misconception, you're going to find that most Lolitas are more concerned with how you act than what you look like.

3) Lolitas who make their own clothes are looked down upon too!

I was going to include this in with the misconception about cheaper brands, but I decided it deserved it's own little section because I've seen it mentioned separately so many times. I've even seen many people go so far as to say that Lolitas who make their clothes are better and more "true" Lolitas than people who don't, in the same breath as complaining that Lolitas will look down on them for doing so. Do you see the conflict here? You really shouldn't be reveling in your superiority while simultaneously condemning people you feel are doing just that.

I feel that this is another preemptive battle cry of those who are simply afraid of what other people think, but the truth is, so long as you know your way around a sewing machine and have a pretty good grasp on the Lolita fashion, if you sew your own clothes Lolitas will tend to be very impressed.

4) Lolitas are so rude!

This is related to misconception #4 in the original post, as well as the exclamation point at the end of the first 3 misconceptions. While outsiders tend to assume that Lolitas are supposed to be polite all the time, many people who consider themselves Lolitas come into Lolita communities or events with the assumption that other Lolitas will find a reason to look down upon them.

This assumption is probably my biggest pet peeve within the Lolita communities. Lolita communities (both online and off) are really not that much different from any other community, sometimes there are people who are rude, but more often than not, most people are going to be perfectly civil to you because that's just how most people roll. If you're finding yourself constantly getting into arguments with other Lolitas wherever you go and find that you're making more enemies than friends, honestly, you're going to probably find that the problem lies with you, not with what other people are wearing.

If you go into any situation thinking "Oh gosh, these people are a bunch of jerks!" you're probably not going to like what you find, whether it's the result of this negativity being way more obvious to other people than you think it is, or this sort of attitude simply skewing other people's actions and responses in a negative light in your eyes.

5) Brands only release clothes in one size, and that size is very small.

When I was still getting into Lolita back in the early 2000's I was under the impression that all Lolita brand pieces were made to fit someone with a 33/25" figure, which is still something most people believe, almost a decade later!

While it's true that most brand releases don't come with a size option, the individual pieces are actually designed to fit a wide range of sizes. Many releases will have at least one piece that features shirring which is meant to make the piece stretch to fit a multitude of different sizes. Taking even just a quick peak at this size list will show that almost all brands release pieces that will fit plus size figures. It's not a size range that can fit everyone, but it really is a lot more varied than most people will give brands credit for. If you happen to fall outside of this range just remember misconceptions 1 and 3, handmade and smaller Lolita brands are usually willing to make custom sizes, and no one is going to care that you're not wearing brand.

6) It's incredibly expensive to wear Lolita.

"Expensive" means a lot of different things to a lot of different people, but I've heard a lot of pretty far-out price ranges that people assume all Lolita costs. The typical quote I see is that dresses cost $400 and a full outfit will probably set you back around $1,000. Yeah, sure this can be true, but it is only because Lolita encompasses a pretty wide range of prices! You can honestly easily pick up dresses for as little as $50, if not cheaper. Sure, this is a bit more expensive than a pair of jeans and a t-shirt you found on a clearance rack, but it's tiny fraction of the price people assume Lolita costs.

Even if you are just talking about brand prices, there are tons of ways you can buy brand for relatively cheap. Check out this post for some more comprehensive information about that!

If you're handy with a sewing machine, or willing to learn, you can cut costs further if you find some good deals on fabric and notions and add in some offbrand pieces. Because, once more, so long as you have a grasp on the fashion and aren't a complete jerk to people, no one is going to actually care about your labels. Check this coordinate out for a perfect example of a drop dead gorgeous Lolita outfit that is composed up entirely of Bodyline and offbrand.

7) Brands are big faceless corporations that have no idea what their customers want.

I  see this thrown around a lot as a reason why people should get away with a lot of stuff concerning the great replica debate, but the truth is, even the biggest of the Lolita brands are relatively small companies catering to a relatively small niche. While many might argue that the the high price on Lolita pieces makes up for the smaller quantities sold, that is simply untrue, and in reality, often times, the smaller a company is the more likely they will have to have higher prices to cover costs.

Besides these facts, most brands are actually much more active with the Lolita community than many people give them credit for! I feel that many people outside of Japan aren't really aware of this simply because they probably live several thousand miles away from any brand's shop! Many brands frequently host fashion shows, tea parties, and other special events for their customers, something that you're pretty much never going to see your average clothing shop do.

Many people also quote the limited releases and size ranges as "proof" that brands don't listen to their customers because a brand might not be currently re-leasing something that suits their wants, but, once again, Lolita brands are relatively small companies, and it's simply not within their ability to re-release every piece on-demand and offer it completely custom sizes. However, brands have clearly shown that they are aware of these wants by the more-and-more frequent re-releases of popular prints and the expanded sizes that have been popping up in recent years.

 8) Lolita brands have strayed too far from their roots! They only release prints now/cater to the OTT crowd/follow some silly trend.

I've actually seen this said pretty much whenever the topic of Old School Lolita comes up. "I wish brands made these older dresses!" people will exclaim "They're all too focused on seeing who can make the most ridiculous border print now!" they will often elaborate with. But the truth is that this older design that people keep insisting brands are neglecting are actually still being released! It's a pretty impressive feat for a clothing company to continue to re-release the same pieces, practically unchanged, for well over a decade while simultaneously also releasing pieces on the cutting-edge of their fashion niche.

I find it a bit ironic that the people who feel that the brands are focusing on current trends are too busy focusing on the pieces the brands release that follow these trends to even notice that the designs they are claiming are non-existent are literally sitting right next to them in the online shops.

9) Lolita's only wear one style, and Lolitas who wear one style dislike Lolitas who wear other styles.

Ah, the eternal struggle between Sweet an Gothic, OTT and Old School, Classic and Ero, Punk and pretty much everyone else. Practically every combination of styles and substyles have been claimed to be pitted against each other in a bitter war at one point, but I think the classic example is the Sweet vs. Goth. How many stories have you heard about a Gothic Lolita getting dirty looks from a Sweet Lolita across a convention center, or a Sweet Lolita getting the cold shoulder from a Gothic Lolita at a meetup and then claiming it's due to a secret Lolita conspiracy to hedge out all Lolita styles but the one "true" style? I don't know about you, but I've heard this more times than I can count, as completely ridiculous as it sounds.

The simple truth is that most Lolitas don't stick to one style, or at the very least, have experimented with wearing other styles in the past and plan to do so in the future. It's pretty ridiculous to assume that someone currently wearing Moitie is going to hate you even though they probably have the same Angelic Pretty dress hanging up in their closet.

Just like with every other misconception on here, you very well might come across the occasional person who claims to have been born a Classic Lolita and won't even give you a second glance if your skirt features bunnies riding on unicorns floating on a sparkle made of rainbows, but for the most part, these style wars are completely imagined. As I mentioned in misconception #4, if you interact with people with a preconceived notion in your head, such as the notion that people wearing pink will hate you if you wear black, you're going to be mistaking most every slightly awkward "hello" or meeting that doesn't end in exchanging friendship bracelets as a personal wrong against you.

10) Lolita is about elegance! If it's not elegant, it's not Lolita! It's called Elegant Gothic Lolita for a reason.

I find this one pretty silly, but I actually hear it quite a bit, especially in reference to Sweet Lolita. It seems to be used especially by those just aching to look down their noses at other people, but who can't actually think up a good enough reason to do so. Just because Mana decided to use the slogan "Elegant Gothic Aristocrat Vampire Romance" for his brand, doesn't exactly mean that ridiculous jumble of words needs to be taken literally for everyone.

The fact is simply that not all styles of Lolita are based solely around the idea of "elegance", and it's simply incorrect to claim they are. Cuteness, edginess, deconstruction, and even eroticism are all themes frequently found within Lolita just as much as elegance might be. If you don't think AP's newest rainbow ruffled dress covered in melting stars is elegant, that's perfectly fine because it probably never intended to be, just don't try to wear it as a Classic Lolita dress and you'll be fine.

Again, I want to end this post with the note that, yes, sometimes you might meet someone who is just a completely unlikeable person who might be living proof of each of these things, but that's probably going to just be how they are regardless of what they are wearing. But to make sweeping statements about a very large group of people based on what you witnessed a few doing, or simply heard about someone else witnessing such a thing, is honestly exactly as bad as the behaviors you're condemning. For example, someone who says that the only real Lolitas are those who own brand, and someone who says that those that wear brand are uncreative snobs, are both doing the exact same thing. And preemptively jumping into defensive mode about your own fashion choices is simply going to suck all the fun out of it for you and everyone around you.

I have been lurking around a lot on Tumblr lately, and I've noticed a ton of anonymous secret and confession sites popping up, and I have been seeing so many of these things being brought up again and again. I feel that these sorts of sites are not so much a look into what is really happening behind-the-scenes in Lolita, but rather a look at what people are secretly afraid of happening. They're the perfect rumor mill "Oh, I know this is true because I saw one Lolita say it, anonymously, written in fancy text over a picture of an Angelic Pretty dress!".

It's one thing to want to vent about your fears and bad experiences, but I feel that a lot of these sites are not so much allowing a "safe" place for that as they are allowing a cesspool of negativity and rumors to fester within the Lolita community under the guise of "the truth everyone is afraid to speak", which, in my opinion, is so much more harmful to the community than someone not liking the dress you're wearing.

If I could end this post with a few very simple tips they would be to find a friend to rant to or start a private diary if you need to get something off your chest, relax and stop jumping to judge others before you feel they have the chance to judge you, and stop believing everything you see on the internet.

Lolita Conventions: Frill

In the US, Lolita gatherings have been pretty much limited to local meetups, anime conventions, and the rare brand-sponsored tea party, there have been very few "official" lolita gatherings in the US. Luckily, this year we're lucky enough to have another one come along, Frill!

I regret not blogging about this convention until just now, because Frill is this upcoming weekend (June 09-10th 2012!), but I have seriously been sulking a bit about this happening at the other end of a 20 hour train/car ride for me. So, because of my sulking, pre-reg tickets are all sold out, but you can still purchase tickets at the door. This two-day convention (However, I believe this close to the con, sunday is all sold out, as it is a separate event?) features a lot of the same sort of things you would expect from any other convention, panels, shopping, contests, even a dance, only everything is catered towards the Lolita.

I actually only recently found out (last week!) that those who owned shops and couldn't attend can send in items to be sold at the boutique, so I jumped on that opportunity to, at the very least, attend in spirit by sending in some stuff from my, so rarely on Etsy, shop. If this convention sees a second year, especially a second year that is a little further north up the coast, I would really love to attend in person!

This is what I'm sending up! I sort of freaked when I realized I had no more tags printed up, so I chopped up a bunch of scrapbooking paper and decided to go back to the individually packaged route!

As Lolita grows more and more popular, I would absolutely love to see more conventions and even just one-day events catering to the Lolita the future! I think they're fantastic ways to get the Lolita community together, and an awesome excuse to put on your finest and take a day trip! One of my favorite oh-gosh-it's-so-not-fair-that-I-can't-be-there events in the Lolita world is Sweden's yearly Lolita Flea market (Sadly, I can't find working pictures from recent years, as the market seems to get bigger each year, 2011 apparently had over 1000 visitors, but here's a post from it's still-very-successful first year), which is the sort of event that I would absolutely love to see happen in the US, and preferably not nearly a whole day's drive away from me!

If you had a Lolita convention happen near you, what kind of events would you love to see? At anime conventions I am a huge fan of the, somewhat boring to most people, panels about the early years in the fandom and otaku culture, which I think extends to Lolita, as is pretty obvious from my interest in all things Old School Lolita, so these are the sorts of things I would love to see in a Lolita convention. I can imagine a panel about the early days of Lolita, including display pieces of the sorts of things Lolita brands released over a decade ago! Of course, I also am also a pretty enthusiastic shopper, so any sort of flea market, swap meet, or consignment I would be all over as well!

Translations from a Japanese Lolita Blog

A few days ago, EGL user go_slow_ly posted a translation from a Japanese Lolita's blog. I'm not going to post the whole thing, for that check out the post go_slow_ly made, but instead, just a few bits and pieces from it. The translation is from the Japanese Lolita blog, Twilightrose.

"Lately lolita clothes all look the same!
It seems like all the brands are just copying each other.
If one brand releases a chocolate print, they all do - same with diamond prints..."

"Lolita of today is fragmented into so many types, and now you can't even tell what's lolita and what's not anymore."

"If you compare modern lolita with lolita from 2000-2007, it's become all about original prints while the dress designs have become more plain."

"Aren't there lots of people like me out there who instead of collecting tons of similar prints, prefer the solid color lolita dresses of the past?"

"Ahh~ there are so many dresses that I want like BABY's velvet dresses from 2000-2007 or inspirational old fashioned styles!!! That's the kind of lolita I've always wanted to be!!!!"

The reasons why I'm choose these particular quotes, or bringing up this blog translation at all isn't because these are some profoundly deep thoughts on the Lolita fashion, or a unique way of looking at it, but instead because when I read the translation go_slow_ly posted I was pleasantly surprised to find out that what this Japanese Lolita blogger was saying was pretty much exactly what Lolita bloggers outside of Japan are saying as well!

Sometimes the Japanese Lolita is glorified and idolized in a very peculiar way. Some people will justify their own sense of style by mentioning "I saw it in a Japanese street snap, so it's okay if I do it!" and comments such as "Well, in Japan they wear this and do that, so I don't see why we should do it differently!" are often brought up when the popularity/Lolita-ness of certain things is discussed. So it sort of comes as a strange shock to see the Japanese Lolita more humanized, so to speak, rather than some sort of faceless fashion idol.

Of course, the Japanse Lolita belongs to a very different Lolita world than the rest of us, besides the major cultural differences (which is a different blog post altogether, one that I don't feel like tackling quite yet!), the simple fact of availability makes for a sometimes startlingly different Lolita world. I was quite pleased to see that, despite the differences and even the mystery surrounding the Japanese Lolita, what really made this particular Lolita stop and voice her opinion was exactly the same thing that so many Lolitas from my particular Lolita world, and even myself, have thought about at one time or another. Even though sometimes the only thing connecting Lolitas from around the world is the fact that they buy their clothes from the same shops, it's still nice to hear that these shops are eliciting such similar emotions despite the different cultures.

If you're looking for more translated Lolita conversations and musings, check out this one. It's pretty old (2005!) and it's from the Japanese equivalent of 4chan, but even back then things were still pretty similar, especially when usernames are turned off and anon turns on. Favorite new pieces, where to get good offbrand deals, the endless "fatty" drama, cosplay vs. Lolita, random strangers popping by to tell them they look stupid, poking fun at Bodyline- these are all things that are no stranger to the Lolita who is familiar with the online communities!

Lolita Blogspiration

I am pretty addicted to the world of cute, creative, and Lolita blogs, I love spending a few hours browsing around them, reading new articles and exploring new blogs by clicking around on links. I've tried to find ways to promote the various blogs I love, and articles I find interesting, from occasional shout outs, to the short lived "weekly prompt" thing that you may or may not have noticed on my sidebar. But I think the best way to send some blogging love out there is just to make a post about it. Will this be a new series? I have no idea! I would like to do this regularly, but, as I am sure you have noticed on here, I love to drop new series just as quickly as I start them.

Even if I just do it this one time, or every now and then, I hope you'll check out these blog posts and hopefully get as inspired by them as I have been!

Over at Cupcake's Clothes check out this amazing shooting star nail tutorial! It's done on fake nails, but it's simple enough to do on your own nails. While my own Lolita wardrobe is not exactly the most colorful one, I am a complete sucker for cute pastel combos, and an even bigger sucker for stars!


Being Badass: Having Self Confidence is a post over on Geekminina (formerly Ramble Rori) about, you guessed it, being badass and having self confidence. It has some great tips for those of us that sometimes feel like we are not being the awesome person that we could be, as well as some tips on walking the fine line between believing in yourself and being a jerk. Christina has actually started a series on being badass, something I will be looking forward to more posts about!

Over at iHanna, which is a crafty blog filled with eyecandy that I love to browse, she made a post about a neat little internet gizmo that makes fancy color splotches based on search terms through an image bank. Using things I don't quite understand, like technology and math and the internet, you just punch in a word and it makes instant art! I had fun punching in a variety of Lolita words, trying to guess what the resulting picture would look like, then being surprised at how wrong I usually was!

This post is a bit old, but even though it's from a blog I follow I somehow managed to miss it until now! Over at Moss Garden, Martha posted a wonderful Brothers Grimm fairy tale with a Mori Girl inspired coordinate. Her coordinates are definitely some of my top favorites, so this post was a real treat. Check it out for both the fairy tale and some more amazing photos of the coordinate!

 I don't know about the rest of you, but I am sort of a craft fanatic. If you can make it, I want to learn how to do it and make it for myself. My newest craft obsession is perfume oils. Some time ago I was trying to hunt down a very specific scent and was turning up empty handed so thought "Hey, why don't I just... make it?" so I did a bunch of googling and found that it was something I figured I might be able to do. I now have a small army of single notes and plans for releasing some signature scents in my Etsy. My experimentations are on hold for about a week though because I managed to spill a bunch of oil on my desk, so now my work space smells like a cupcake, making blending quite difficult! For those of you out there who want to possibly try this somewhat daunting task (It's not really harder than it looks, just more time consuming and fiddly) check out this tutorial over on Indie Fixx for making your own signature scents. I'm actually really loving Indie Fixx for their tutorials right now, I'm practically drooling over this one on infused sugar!

That's it for now! I am constantly reading blogs and hunting down tutorials and finding things I want to share with everyone, so hopefully I'll remember to feature some of the more fantastic finds on my blog here!

Ask Miss Caro-chan: Why is Lolita so Expensive?

I haven't answered an Ask Miss Caro-chan on my blog in a while! For those of you that are unaware, I do a lot of the answering straight on Formspring, but I do always tell myself "I need to post more of these to the blog!" especially the ones that get asked again and again! Today is a good one though, a question that has often befuddled many a new and even seasoned Lolita, a question EmilyRamones asked with:

Do you have any reason as to why lolita attire is so expensive?

It's a question as old as Lolita itself: "Why can't I afford all of this!?" Because let's face it, Lolita is sometimes prohibitively expensive. Now, for this question, I'm going to assume EmilyRamone is asking why is brand new, brand name Lolita attire so expensive, because, truthfully, not all Lolita is expensive. There are places like Bodyline and Taobao where you can pick up a well made dress for $45 and you can easily pick up second-hand brand dresses from various sales communities and auction sites for under $75. But, again, I'm going to assume that she didn't mean "all Lolita ever, regardless."

Brand new, brand name Lolita is priced the way it is for a variety of different reasons. I know that some people take the price tag on brand pieces as a personal insult to them, but I feel that the price is pretty reasonable when you stop to consider the reasons why.

First up, let's talk a little bit about what "expensive" means to some people. Personally, I feel like it usually means one, or a combination, of three things: It is out of my personal price range, it is priced higher in comparison to other things, or it is unfairly priced and is simply not worth it. When people lament the high cost of Lolita I feel like they are often feeling a mix of these three things: they can't easily afford it, it's much more than they are used to spending on clothes, and there is a good chance they simply don't understand the difference in quality between brand Lolita and "normal" clothes, and thus don't understand why it's so expensive. Lolita is a fashion aimed at younger people, teens and early-twenty-somethings (of course, that doesn't mean Lolita is only for people in that age group!). Take a look at the average fashion aimed at this age group, it's cheap and trendy, and not really meant to be worn, or sometimes even stay together, longer than the few brief months that the trend lasts. Check out this interesting article for a little bit of the history behind cheap clothes. In comparison to what are essentially throwaway clothes, Lolita pieces are meant to be worn for years and are intended to be cleaned and cared for carefully, instead of just tossing it into the washer until it falls apart. If you try to view the value behind clothes as how long it lasts and it's quality, rather than the price on the tag, the price of Lolita becomes much more justifiable.


There are, of course, more easily defined and calculated reasons behind the price tag on Lolita pieces than just perceived value! One of the major reasons why Lolita is so expensive is because of the material cost. Some people who question the price of Lolita, and use the excuse "It's just a gathered rectangle and some lace! I know someone who made a complete Lolita outfit for $5..." probably haven't had many closeup experiences with brand name Lolita. I know that this is going to make me sound like the dreaded brandwhore, as if this whole article isn't already making me sound like that, but unless you live around some really amazing fabric stores, you're not going to be able to walk into a Jo-ann Fabric and walk out with the same quality materials used in brand name Lolita. The cottons are generally much, much thicker and more finely woven, and the lace is just in a completely different world than the lace sold at fabric stores. This doesn't even take any custom fabrics into account, custom woven lace, custom printed fabrics, appliques, embroidery, etc. These are all custom designed by artists exclusively for the brand to use. Along with all of this, Lolita clothes often use a deceptively large amount of materials. Ruffles, rows of lace on every hem, gathers, pintucks, all of these add onto the amount of fabric used a little at a time until you might end up with a single dress with yards upon yards of high quality lace and fabric.

Another factor in the price of Lolita is the fact that Lolita is a relatively small niche fashion. The dresses in Lolita stores are not being mass produced on a large scale, they are being sold on a very small scale, thus the prices tend to be higher. When you buy a dress from a brand, you are often times buying one of only a few dozen of that particular dress. What you are buying is something very exclusive, which is something both intentional and simply a by-product of buying from a brand that caters to a non-mainstream fashion that doesn't mass produce their products.

A third reason why Lolita is priced the way it is is because it comes from Japan, which doubly raises the price. The most noticeable change in price is that we are buying imported products, and have to pay for all that that entails. We are paying for the vast difference between our currency and the price of the Yen, we are adding on shipping costs, shopping service fees, and even when buying second-hand we are factoring in rarity and how difficult that particular piece was to acquire. A final addition to the cost of buying clothing from Japan, that might not be so readily apparent, is that things in Japan are often times simply expensive. Again, this is something that has a whole lot of reasons behind, more so than I feel I am qualified to talk about in-depth, but here is a pretty good article about exactly that (despite the very mid-90's web design, it was actually written only a few years ago! So I swear it's not a decade out of date!).

Lolita sticker shock is something most all of us in the fashion have faced, especially in the beginning, and especially if you have never regularly wear anything more expensive than a $50 pair of shoes and have a fondness for shopping at thrift stores (which was how I was before I found Lolita! Although, I still shop at thrift stores, constantly). After a while, you get used to the price, you come to realize that clothes are only worth as much as you make them worth. If you come into the fashion with the notion that no clothes could possibly be worth more than fifty bucks, and everything above that price is a rip-off, you're probably going to get ripped-off. But, if you do a little bit of research: learn what quality fabric looks and feels like, how to tell the difference between cheap lace and beautiful lace, where to find a second-hand bargains, what to look for in a seamstress, when brands have sales, or even learn to sew, you're going to find that Lolita is not at all an impossibility, but something that just requires a little bit of hard work and commitment, but if you love it and it makes you happy, it's really worth it.

Quality over quantity is something that has always been stressed within Lolita, and it's a notion that many people find laughable when we are being told that we should, instead, be focused on buying what is trendy now and think not about what what we are buying is worth, but how much cheaper it is than everything else. Lolita doesn't have to be $400 dresses, it can easily be a relatively affordable fashion, but what it shouldn't ever be is a cheap throw-away fashion. What Lolita is, at it's very core, is the very opposite of that idea.

Your Lolita World: Starting a Local Lolita Community

This Saturday I had the chance to hit up a local convention and get together with some of the local Lolitas that I haven't seen in a few months and catch up as well as getting a chance to meet some Lolitas I have never seen before. Even though I'm sometimes the hermit of my local Lolita community I really do love my local Lolita scene, it's full of fun people who like to do fun things while dressed fabulously, I really do regret that I cannot make every single meetup and casual get together in frills that our small state happens to have!

I do realize that not everyone is lucky enough to live in an area that has a large and friendly Lolita scene, but I do feel that there are enough Lolitas out there that pretty much no matter where you live there is at least someone else familiar with the fashion near you, sometimes it just takes a little hunting!

So, how do you find local Lolitas?

The Western Lolita scene mostly revolves around the internet, since we Lolitas are few and far between in the real world. EGL on Livejournal is one of the biggest English speaking Lolita communities on the internet, and you can find many offshoot communities on Livejournal, including communities for Local areas. So if you're looking for a place where Lolitas in your area might congregate online, scan the list of other communities to see if your area has a group of it's own. There are also a few Lolita forums sprinkled throughout the internet such as Dressed to a Tea and the My Asian Fashion forums.

Suggestions to liven up a dead community

So, you found you already have a local online community for Lolitas in your area, but, to your dismay, no one has bothered posting in it for the better half of a year (or more!). Don't despair, this doesn't necessarily mean that all the Lolitas in your area have just vanished off the face of the earth, it might easily be that they don't all know about this community or that everyone else is sitting around watching the dead community thinking the same thing as you, just waiting for someone to say something. So, what can you do to help bring some life into a dead Lolita community?

• Post! A pretty simple solution is to make a quick intro post, a quick "Hey! How is everyone, I'm new here, anyone else from my area/any plans?", if anyone is lurking, they will most likely let you know they are there with a comment or two.
• Post some more! Maybe your intro post brought out a few lurkers, but it still hangs there at the top of the community for almost a month and no one else is bothering to say anything. If that is the case, try posting a little more, but don't go crazy. Post cute local Lolita finds, suggest a good movie, ask what they think about something in the world of Lolita, whatever really gets people talking to each other, which is really the important part.
• Recruit others. If the community is a bit dead, try to find people to join it! If you have a couple friends who are also interested in Lolita, ask them to join the community so it is a bit more active to people passing by who might be checking it out. If you don't know anyone who is willing, maybe people don't know about the community! With the permission of the mods of whatever larger Lolita community you happen to be a part of (be it EGL or a forum) make a post letting people know that you're a Lolita from wherever it is you are from and point everyone else who might be from your area in the community's direction.
• Move to Facebook or another place more of you frequent. Our states Livejournal community was a pretty desolate place for a while, sure, we had meetups, but a big chunk of our locals weren't very active on Livejournal any more so meetup news traveled more by word of mouth. But, one day we decided to move our community over to Facebook and, like magic, the community seemed like it was instantly revived.Our old LJ community was averaging a handful of posts a year, but now there are always new posts happening on the Facebook community, group orders, possible meetups, silly things people find online, and it's especially nice to sometimes pop onto Facebook and see a little local Lolita community chat window flashing away! If most of you are on a different social networking site, or even a different online journal, consider switching to that one instead of Facebook, whatever is more convenient for your group. Be sure to put a notification about it on your old Livejournal community after the switch, since many Lolitas use Livejournal for community purposes, they will probably stumble across your old community first and wonder where everyone went!
• Host a meetup. Once you found yourself a group of local Lolitas, even if it's only a very small group, consider hosting a meetup to meet everyone in person! 

Finding Lolitas at conventions

If you frequent anime conventions, you'll find that one of the easiest places to meet new Lolitas is at local (or non-local, if you like to travel!) conventions. Pretty much all you have to do is keep your eyes open and you're bound to come across one or another. If you're a bit shy about going up to strangers and saying hi just because you're wearing the same kind of clothes as them, consider going in Lolita if you weren't already, and they will easily come to you! An easy way of letting people know "Hey, you're a Lolita, I'm a Lolita, let's be friends!" is to whip up a batch of calling cards (I happen to love mini moo cards! They're such a unique size and shape!) with your Livejournal, Twitter, Blogger, or even Tumblr username so people can get in touch with you. Simply slip them a small cute card when you meet them or when you say goodbye.

Anime conventions often have Lolita panels or even hosted tea parties which act as a great way of getting a group of Lolitas to all gather in one place. If the convention you plan on going to lacks either of these, consider making a post on the convention forums asking if any Lolitas will be attending and host a very small, casual get-together at a convenient time and place inside the convention center. Something as simple as "Hey! Let's all meet at the couches near the cafe at 3 on Saturday!" is usually all it takes to host a small and casual meetup at an anime convention.

Some quick Lolita meetup tips and ideas.

Hosting a Lolita meetup on your own can be a big task, sometimes trying to get a group of Lolitas in the same place is as difficult as trying to herd cats. Your best bet would be to ask around your local community and see what it is they are all interested in doing, try to take their opinions into consideration. A local group that is mostly vegetarians and vegans probably isn't going to be interested in a meet at a steak house, locals who aren't fabulously wealthy probably aren't going to be able to go on a week long Disney cruise, and a group of Lolitas who are fancy ladies probably aren't going to want to go to a meetup that involves moshing at a concert. Try to find a meetup location that is either in a centralized area or is easily reached by public transportation. For example, myself and several other Lolitas in my state find it easier to take a train all the way to New York City for events than it would be attend a meetup that is geographically closer in my own state that happens to be in the middle of nowhere.

There are a lot of different places to host a Lolita meeup, all meetups don't have to happen at a fancy tea house or some other "traditionally" Lolita location. Consider any place you like to spend time at as a possible meetup location, it can be anything from a gallery or museum to dinner and a movie to a picnic in a park. You should also try to calculate how much any meetup is going to cost, including transportation costs, admission, food, and extra spending money, and let everyone who is interested in attending how much the meetup could potentially cost beforehand. No one likes to get somewhere to find out that they don't have enough money to afford it! If you're looking for meetups that are a bit on the cheap, that don't involve living near amazingly fun and interesting places, consider one of the following ideas:

• An evening in- If you're very familiar with your local Lolitas, and you have enough room at home, why not invite them over for an evening of movies. You don't have to just watch Kamikazi Girls all night either! If your locals are more into cheesy 80's horror or sci-fi alien conquest movies, there's nothing stopping you from watching whatever it is you all want to watch! 
• Lolita craft-a-thon- I love Lolita crafts, and crafting with a group of other Lolitas, preferably making cute Lolita accessories, is pretty much my idea meetup! This can either be done at someone's house, or if the weather is nice, and your crafts don't require power outlets, a nice park bench somewhere. Pack up a bunch of cute craft supplies and encourage everyone coming to donate a few of their own craft supplies, pool them together, and spend the day making accessories to match your outfits.
• A themed dress photoshoot meetup- Many times all it takes to get a group of Lolitas to gather somewhere is the promise of getting lots of pretty pictures taken. Find an area with a nice backdrop, such as a park or fancy tourist building and ask everyone dress up following a theme such as favorite fairy tales, children's book characters, everyone wearing a different color of the rainbow, or whatever would make a great picture. A fancy camera or a budding photographer friend is a plus to these kinds of meetups, but is hardly necessary.

For a bit more of an in-depth how-to on how to host, and even attend, Lolita meetups, check out these two posts, this one on EGL (it's an old post but it's still very relevant!) and this one on Lolita Fashion. They both contain great information on everything from meetup ideas to what to wear! If you feel as if you are very shy and might be uncomfortable at a meetup, but you're very interested in going to one, check out this post by Her Curious Elegance with tips for the shy Lolita.

Keeping the community strong

Even though I was terribly shy when I first started going to Lolita meetups, I found a few of my best friends by not letting shyness get in my way and just going to the local meetups, why else would it be called a meetup if you weren't there to meet new people? It's not called a Lolita stand-around-and-stare-at-each-other. One of the most important parts of building a strong Lolita community is keeping up with everyone and forming genuine friendships, not just saying "Bye, see you at next year's Lolita meet!" and going on with your life. If you have a somewhat active online community, join in with the conversation between meetups, talk to people on instant messenger, and just generally be friendly with them. Of course, if you don't click with the people in your local group, for whatever reason, you don't have to force it. But if you do attend a Lolita meetup in your area or two and decide that these are your kind of people, there is no reason that they have to be people you only see a couple times a year at meetups.

Your local Lolita community might not be perfect, you don't have to be best friends with everyone in a petticoat who sits down to have tea with you, but so what? Even if the only thing in common you have with some people is you happen to wear the same fluffy undergarments and buy your socks from the same brand I still think that's something special, even if just because we Lolitas are such a rare breed. After all these years I still get excited when someone else even knows what Lolita is, not to mention has the guts to wear it. At the convention I went to over the weekend Christina of Ramble Rori hosted a Lolita panel and said something to this effect, about how excited she is to meet other Lolitas too, Lolitas of any experience or dedication level. "Oh my God, yes! You know what this is all about too!"and I really feel the exact same way, like meeting another Lolita is like finding someone else who is in the know about this wonderful, sometimes secret or misunderstood, world or frills and elegance, and fabulousness.

10 Misconceptions About Lolita

Lolita is often a very misunderstood fashion, a lot of different people think a lot of different things about it, not all of which are anywhere close to true! I am sure anyone who has worn the fashion a fair amount in public, or even someone who simply loves to do the occasional Google search for "Lolita" has heard any number of these applied to themselves and the fashion they enjoy so much. The following misconceptions are ones that I have often heard, either told directly to me, or talked about in forums where people didn't think Lolitas were listening! Of course, not everyone outside of the Lolita fashion feels this way, but these are just some of the more negative or generalizing misconceptions that some people seem to have about Lolita fashion, as well as a little bit of musing, and a little bit of ranting, about why people feel this way about Lolita.

1) It's named "Lolita", which is also the title of a fictional book about a sexually promiscuous young girl, so that must mean that people who wear Lolita are doing it because they want to attract pedophiles! 

Probably the #1 misconception about the Lolita fashion is that we must all be pedo-bait simply because of our name. Hearing things like this always sort of makes me shake my head in disbelief, even though I had been hearing a very similar complaint before I even discovered Lolita, the good old "Goth?! You're so stupid, don't you know that Goth means a style of architecture/was a tribe of invaders? How can you wear architecture/invaders!?" Honestly, the disbelief comes from the fact that I find it hard to believe that people who say things like this have ever even read the book Lolita, or know anything about classical architecture or Roman history. Am I going to be lectured on the original meaning of "decimate" as well? 

Here's the thing, I know what the book Lolita is about, I have actually read it. I also know that the term was coined years ago in a non-English speaking country that often uses English words in ways that we don't. I also know that sometimes words have multiple meanings and that sometimes, over the years, words change to mean different things. 

Years ago, for whatever reason, the world "Lolita" was coined to describe our fashion. Why? I honestly don't know. Speculation is that "Lolita" got loosely translated to mean a young girl and thus got applied to that group of girls dressing in what looked like young girl's fashion, "Lolita" being a foreign girls name and the fashion often taking inspiration from more Western and less traditional Japanese youth's fashion, the name just clicked. For the record, Lolita looked significantly different in the mid 90's (which is the earliest I have noticed the term "Lolita" used to describe the fashion) ago than it did now, so the current idea of what a Lolita should look like, actually looks very little like whatever it was that made people want to call it Lolita in the first place.

2) Lolitas love anime, they must if they are always dressing up as anime characters!

Believe it or not, Lolitas actually have many different interests. Some love anime, some don't particularly care for it, very few of them are wearing Lolita simply for their love of anime. 

Lolita is not an anime invention, quite the opposite actually, Lolitas are in anime because it was a real-world fashion first. To say that people wear Lolita because it is occasionally featured in anime is the same as saying that people dye their hair unnatural colors just because anime characters frequently have naturally colored hair.

3) Aren't all Lolitas completely obsessed with the fashion to the point that they've built a lifestyle around it? Don't they all wear it constantly while sipping tea on their pink stuffed animal covered bed while listening to classical music?

No, not even close. Again, Lolitas actually have a lot of different interests, just like regular people, no two Lolitas are exactly the same. While some Lolitas choose to wear the fashion as much as they possibly can and live the Lolita Lifestyle, to most Lolitas the fashion is really just that, just a fashion. A fabulous and frilly fashion that they spend hundreds and hundreds of dollars on, but a fashion none the less.

4) I thought Lolitas are supposed to be polite and nice all the time!

This is often the cry of someone who, upon joining an online Lolita community for the first time, somehow manages to get into an argument with someone and is completely shocked to find that *gasp* Lolitas are arguing back and generally not being cupcakes, kittens, and rainbows. Yes, believe it or not, most Lolitas are not in perpetual polite mode, at least not any more than any other regular human being is. 

This fact is often used to shame Lolitas "For a bunch of girls dressed so pretty, you sure acted ugly, tsk tsk." Frankly, this assumption is complete BS. Not only are we Lolitas, but we are also just, more or less, regular people. We're not playing some sort of strict roll-playing game when we slip on a petticoat. You wouldn't shame a Goth for smiling, a Hippy for wearing shoes, or a Punk for engaging in an activity that doesn't involve throwing bricks through windows, so why shame a Lolita the instant they steps outside of the Lolita cliche?

5) Lolita came from Japan, therefore it's only okay when Asians wear the fashion.

I really hate to hear this. I especially hate to hear this from what are, otherwise, perfectly pleasant to be around people. It always sounds so, well, racist. "Oh, well it's okay when those wacky real-life-anime Japanese people wear Lolita, it is just what they do over there, but when normal people wear it, it's just weird!" There is absolutely no reason why non-Japanese cannot wear Lolita. Lolita is, by no means, a traditional Japanese style of dressing, even if it is heavily embedded in their pop-culture, so you can't even make the argument that it is disrespectful towards their culture to wear it (side note: here's an interesting blog article about "borrowing" cultural dress as a fashion statement!). People all around the world, of all different races, wear Lolita fabulously.

6) Most Lolitas don't have the confidence, aren't fashionable enough, or don't have the right kind of looks to wear "normal" clothes, so they wear Lolita to feel pretty, because they can't any other way.

A misconception that many alternative sub-cultures face, not just Lolita. When someone dresses strangely, some people feel that it is because it is the only option for them, for whatever reason. Even if this was true, that Lolita was only worn by people just trying to find a way to feel pretty or special, what would be so wrong with that?

Many of us want to feel special in some way or another, why should someone get to say that there should be a line (at least, within the realm of fashion) that you cannot cross to feel that way? If wearing Sugary Carnival and a hat shaped like a merry-go-round is the only way you can think of that will make you happy, no one really has the right to say "No, that's just too far! Wallow in your misery until you find something socially acceptable that will make you happy."

While Lolita might not be popping up in mainstream fashion magazines, urging everyone to buy the newest Angelic Pretty dress, or how to get that Juliette et Justine look for Bodyline prices, it can still be just as challenging to create unique coordinates in as it is in any currently trendy or even high-end fashion, and it usually takes twice as much guts to rock even the simplest Lolita look with confidence as it does more mainstream fashions. So, to say that a Lolita knows nothing about fashion just because they're not wearing a fashion you're familiar with is just silly, and I'd like to see the fashionista who who sneers at the Lolita try to put together a creative coordinate using a Lolita's wardrobe and not come out looking like a hot mess.

7) Lolitas are people who are trying to relive their early childhood. Either because they were picked on and abused as a child, or they have a sexual fetish for it.

Things like poofy dresses, the color pink, and pigtails are often synonymous with little girls clothes (regardless of the fact that, more and more, it seems like little girls are just dressing up like little grown-ups nowadays!) some people make the assumption that we must, therefore, want to be little girls again. The truth is, most Lolitas are perfectly content with their current age, and the ones that do dress childishly, are just one of many facets of the Lolita fashion.

I really don't know why people often assume that the childishness in the fashion is either the result of a dark and buried past, or a secret fetish, but this is another thing that seems to often be the case with alternative sub-cultures and fashion, that when someone sees someone wearing something strange it's for a strange reason, not simply because the person wearing it happens to like the way it looks.

8) Lolitas love attention and just want people to stare at how strange they look, why else would they wear something like that?

This is another one of those things that makes shake my head in disbelief, the idea that only people who are dressed "strange" want people to look at them. Nearly every fashion trend in casual mainstream fashion seems like it was meant to get people's attention. Walk into any clothing store and you'll find tons of tee shirts either with witty sayings meant to provoke a response from people, blunt proclamations of what you think about yourself, what kind of significant other you're currently on the prowl for, or to loudly proclaim your favorite bands/movies/hobbies; open up any fashion magazine and you'll find it filled with articles about how to make yourself stand out in a crowd in the trendiest way possible. If standing out is such an apparent crime, why aren't more fashion magazines talking about the most inconspicuous shapeless sack dresses to wear this summer and why aren't there more clothing stores devoted to completely utilitarian extra large plain grey sweatpants?

Everyone seems to be obsessed with drawing attention to themselves, but if that attention comes from an out-of-the-ordinary fashion, then it's all the sudden bad attention. Except that, most of the time, those of us who put ourselves out there and dress "weird" are really doing it only for ourselves, not so that others will look at us, but because we truly love the way it looks and feel our best when we're wearing something we completely love. Most of us don't actually love it when strangers yell obscene and stupid things at us, in fact, some people hate that kind of attention so much they are afraid to wear what they love.

9) Only spoiled rich girls can be Lolitas! They must just sit around all day buying clothes online with credit cards mommy and daddy pay for, how else can they have expensive things that require more than a minute to put on? 

Believe it or not, some people actually have jobs. Jobs they use to help fund things they enjoy, like wearing clothes. Life is not spent either working 24/7 or completely devoted to playing dress up. While Lolita does take a bit of dedication, most Lolitas are completely capable of managing their money and their time so that they can fit the clothes into their budget, and the fashion into their lives. Besides, Lolita doesn't really take that long to put on!

10) Lolita fashion is way too strict! There are rules for everything! How can you express yourself at all if you have to remember about a thousand stupid rules about how you're supposed to look?!

I feel like this might be the opinion of someone who thought they might be into Lolita, tried it, and found it too difficult, and now they have quite the bitter outlook on the fashion. While, yes, there are "rules" to Lolita, there are also "rules" to every other possible fashion style out there. After all, you wouldn't say you're a "jeans and tee shirt kind of gal" if you rarely bothered to wear jeans and teeshirts, so really, there are rules to something as simple as that as well. While the guidelines for Lolita are sometimes a little more complicated than other fashions, they are fairly generous and can easily be bent and even broken if you have even a moderate grasp on the fashion.

In regards to expressing yourself while being limited to a certain set of rules, well, the Lolita fashion is not the only way Lolitas express themselves, in fact, most everyone finds other ways besides just their clothes to express themselves. Just because it's hard to work a hoodie announcing your favorite band to the world (see misconception #8) doesn't mean that Lolita is necessarily trying to stifle you underneath a layer of lace, petticoats, and strict rules about skirt length.