Ask Miss Caro-chan: Why is Lolita so Expensive?

I haven't answered an Ask Miss Caro-chan on my blog in a while! For those of you that are unaware, I do a lot of the answering straight on Formspring, but I do always tell myself "I need to post more of these to the blog!" especially the ones that get asked again and again! Today is a good one though, a question that has often befuddled many a new and even seasoned Lolita, a question EmilyRamones asked with:

Do you have any reason as to why lolita attire is so expensive?

It's a question as old as Lolita itself: "Why can't I afford all of this!?" Because let's face it, Lolita is sometimes prohibitively expensive. Now, for this question, I'm going to assume EmilyRamone is asking why is brand new, brand name Lolita attire so expensive, because, truthfully, not all Lolita is expensive. There are places like Bodyline and Taobao where you can pick up a well made dress for $45 and you can easily pick up second-hand brand dresses from various sales communities and auction sites for under $75. But, again, I'm going to assume that she didn't mean "all Lolita ever, regardless."

Brand new, brand name Lolita is priced the way it is for a variety of different reasons. I know that some people take the price tag on brand pieces as a personal insult to them, but I feel that the price is pretty reasonable when you stop to consider the reasons why.

First up, let's talk a little bit about what "expensive" means to some people. Personally, I feel like it usually means one, or a combination, of three things: It is out of my personal price range, it is priced higher in comparison to other things, or it is unfairly priced and is simply not worth it. When people lament the high cost of Lolita I feel like they are often feeling a mix of these three things: they can't easily afford it, it's much more than they are used to spending on clothes, and there is a good chance they simply don't understand the difference in quality between brand Lolita and "normal" clothes, and thus don't understand why it's so expensive. Lolita is a fashion aimed at younger people, teens and early-twenty-somethings (of course, that doesn't mean Lolita is only for people in that age group!). Take a look at the average fashion aimed at this age group, it's cheap and trendy, and not really meant to be worn, or sometimes even stay together, longer than the few brief months that the trend lasts. Check out this interesting article for a little bit of the history behind cheap clothes. In comparison to what are essentially throwaway clothes, Lolita pieces are meant to be worn for years and are intended to be cleaned and cared for carefully, instead of just tossing it into the washer until it falls apart. If you try to view the value behind clothes as how long it lasts and it's quality, rather than the price on the tag, the price of Lolita becomes much more justifiable.


There are, of course, more easily defined and calculated reasons behind the price tag on Lolita pieces than just perceived value! One of the major reasons why Lolita is so expensive is because of the material cost. Some people who question the price of Lolita, and use the excuse "It's just a gathered rectangle and some lace! I know someone who made a complete Lolita outfit for $5..." probably haven't had many closeup experiences with brand name Lolita. I know that this is going to make me sound like the dreaded brandwhore, as if this whole article isn't already making me sound like that, but unless you live around some really amazing fabric stores, you're not going to be able to walk into a Jo-ann Fabric and walk out with the same quality materials used in brand name Lolita. The cottons are generally much, much thicker and more finely woven, and the lace is just in a completely different world than the lace sold at fabric stores. This doesn't even take any custom fabrics into account, custom woven lace, custom printed fabrics, appliques, embroidery, etc. These are all custom designed by artists exclusively for the brand to use. Along with all of this, Lolita clothes often use a deceptively large amount of materials. Ruffles, rows of lace on every hem, gathers, pintucks, all of these add onto the amount of fabric used a little at a time until you might end up with a single dress with yards upon yards of high quality lace and fabric.

Another factor in the price of Lolita is the fact that Lolita is a relatively small niche fashion. The dresses in Lolita stores are not being mass produced on a large scale, they are being sold on a very small scale, thus the prices tend to be higher. When you buy a dress from a brand, you are often times buying one of only a few dozen of that particular dress. What you are buying is something very exclusive, which is something both intentional and simply a by-product of buying from a brand that caters to a non-mainstream fashion that doesn't mass produce their products.

A third reason why Lolita is priced the way it is is because it comes from Japan, which doubly raises the price. The most noticeable change in price is that we are buying imported products, and have to pay for all that that entails. We are paying for the vast difference between our currency and the price of the Yen, we are adding on shipping costs, shopping service fees, and even when buying second-hand we are factoring in rarity and how difficult that particular piece was to acquire. A final addition to the cost of buying clothing from Japan, that might not be so readily apparent, is that things in Japan are often times simply expensive. Again, this is something that has a whole lot of reasons behind, more so than I feel I am qualified to talk about in-depth, but here is a pretty good article about exactly that (despite the very mid-90's web design, it was actually written only a few years ago! So I swear it's not a decade out of date!).

Lolita sticker shock is something most all of us in the fashion have faced, especially in the beginning, and especially if you have never regularly wear anything more expensive than a $50 pair of shoes and have a fondness for shopping at thrift stores (which was how I was before I found Lolita! Although, I still shop at thrift stores, constantly). After a while, you get used to the price, you come to realize that clothes are only worth as much as you make them worth. If you come into the fashion with the notion that no clothes could possibly be worth more than fifty bucks, and everything above that price is a rip-off, you're probably going to get ripped-off. But, if you do a little bit of research: learn what quality fabric looks and feels like, how to tell the difference between cheap lace and beautiful lace, where to find a second-hand bargains, what to look for in a seamstress, when brands have sales, or even learn to sew, you're going to find that Lolita is not at all an impossibility, but something that just requires a little bit of hard work and commitment, but if you love it and it makes you happy, it's really worth it.

Quality over quantity is something that has always been stressed within Lolita, and it's a notion that many people find laughable when we are being told that we should, instead, be focused on buying what is trendy now and think not about what what we are buying is worth, but how much cheaper it is than everything else. Lolita doesn't have to be $400 dresses, it can easily be a relatively affordable fashion, but what it shouldn't ever be is a cheap throw-away fashion. What Lolita is, at it's very core, is the very opposite of that idea.

Ask Miss Caro-Chan: Wearing Lolita in Public

Today's Ask Miss Caro-chan features a question I got on my formspring regarding wearing Lolita in public for those who might be a bit shy about standing out.

Any tips for going out in public dressed in lolita? Especially if you are by yourself? How should I react if I get mean comments? What is the best way to try and to help ignore some odd stares?

This is something nearly all Lolitas have to deal with, even the ones who don't mind the odd stares and sometimes mean comments. It takes a lot of courage to go out in public wearing anything out of the ordinary, and even the most toned down Lolita is considered strange by many. There's no real sure fire way to make sure you have the courage to prance around outside with a cake on your head, but there are a few things you can do that can help you work up the nerve to do so.

Personally, I've been dressing, well, let's just say "abnormally" or "with questionable taste" since I was in middle school, so wearing Lolita was really not that big of a step outside of my comfort zone. But that doesn't mean I am always prepared for the attention that outlandish fashions tend to attract! There are a number of things I've learned in my years of wearing weird clothes and I'd like to share them with you all in this post.

• Pretend a little bit. If you're really stressed out about being out in public dressed strangely, play a little imagination game. Pretend that you're completely alone wherever you are, you're a fancy princess in a time travel mishap, or whatever you think can help you overcome how uncomfortable other people's opinions might make you feel. It sounds completely silly, but sometimes focusing on the silliness can really take your mind off of sticking out, and that's all that really matters.
• Ignore people, or just don't react. If you do notice people staring, pointing, or worse yet, yelling or making rude comments, just ignore them. If you can't actually ignore them, and are noticing every comment, don't feel you need to react to any of it. Usually people make comments expecting you to react in some way, and if you just ignore them, it's all about them making a fool of themselves, not them pointing out how silly they think you look to everyone around you. Just think about it, if you're at some people filled place and someone yells something stupid at you, everyone is going to look at the person yelling, not at whatever it is they're yelling about. Just go on your way and most likely no one will even notice you, just the jackass yelling "LITTLE BO PEEEEEEP" for apparently no reason.
• Wear earbuds or headphones. Having some music on can help you block out a lot of things and be a bit in your own little world. Even just having them in your ears, with the sound off, or very low, is a good excuse for ignoring people who make rude comments.
  
• If ignoring doesn't work, try to brush them off. Sometimes people are just bent on being annoying and you end up in a situation where you simply can't pretend they don't exist. An example of this might be someone who started talking to you and you respond but the situation quickly turned into them belittling you, extremely rude cashiers or shop clerks, or people who you are somehow interacting with. In this case, if you don't feel like you can muster up the courage to simply tell them to mind their own business, the best you can sometimes do is just act like what they said was a somewhat lame joke. Give them a half-assed "Heh heh, yeah" and usually they're satisfied. I'm not going to lie, it is passive aggressive and I do this sometimes to people who are rude to me in public, I act a bit confused when they say something rude or stupid to me, like I have no idea what they could possibly be talking about, "Sheep? What sheep? I don't understand what you mean, I'm not a farmer, and this is a mall, why would sheep be allowed in here?" and the person making the comment often gets a bit embarrassed for even saying anything at all.
  
• Be polite to people who are kind. Not everyone is going to be rude to you! Wearing Lolita will often get you a fair number of compliments. Now, to the extremely shy person, this can often be just as worrisome as rude comments, but in this case, you should really just give a polite "Thank you!" to anyone who goes out of their way to let you know they like what you're wearing. Sometimes the curious and genuinely interested will ask questions about what you're wearing, you don't have to go into in depth answers and explain the history of the Lolita fashion to them if you don't feel like it, most people are usually just satisfied with "Oh, it's just a girly/fancy/cute fashion that I like to wear". You usually don't have to even say "Lolita" or name-drop Japan if you don't feel like it.
  
• Work your way up to more outlandish outfits. If you can, you might want to wear some "practice run" Lolita outfits, whatever you might feel is less extreme than your normal style of Lolita. Maybe this means wearing a modest petticoat, skipping the over-sized headwear, or wearing a simple cutsew instead of a blouse. Whatever makes you feel a bit more comfortable!
  
• Be safe. Lolita is an attention grabbing fashion and it's going to make you stand out so you should know when standing out is a bad idea, whatever your idea of a "bad idea" might be, even if it's something as simple as going somewhere where you just know you'll be getting dirty looks about the way you're dressed. If you can, avoid going to risky places alone while wearing Lolita, try to grab a friend to go with you, or consider bringing a change of clothes to spare yourself the unneeded stress.

There really is no "right" way to react to mean comments, because mean comments aren't right to begin with. But generally, it's best to not make a huge commotion about them. Most people who say nasty things to other people are just trying to feel superior in some way or to start something, and the best you can do in that situation is to refuse to even acknowledge their "superiority" and to deny them the satisfaction of a reaction. With that in mind, I've found that I actually get many more positive comments and compliments than negative ones while out and about in Lolita!

How do you deal with the stares and comments of wearing Lolitas in public? Do you find that ignoring it is the best option? Or are you much more vocal about letting people know you don't care for comments!? Or, perhaps, are you lucky enough that no one really bats an eye when you go out decked in your frills and ruffles?

Ask Miss Caro-chan: Lolitas Without Bangs

As always, I've been neglecting my Ask Miss Caro-chan feature. I've been answering questions over on my formspring, but I haven't really be going into in dept blog posts about some of the questions, even though I've been getting a lot of really good ones that have made me want to blog about them! Well, maybe one day I'll go through my backlog of questions and make really awesome blog posts answering them, but until then, here's a pretty relevant question from E. Etherington who asks:

Dear Miss Caro-chan,

I refuse to wear bangs! I have have hand bangs my entire young life, and by highschool I was sick of them. I now have a head of beautiful, long, unlayered hair. I love my hair, and it is probably my favorite part of me. :)

However, I have been searching endlessly for Lolita hairstyles for people without bangs. I am well-versed in historical hair coiffures, which is where I draw a lot of my inspiration, but I was wondering if you knew any photos, tutorials, or looks that give a Lolita look to someone without bangs.
Plus, I feel that bang-less hairstyles are much more elegant, and give a more mature look to Lolita that some people may desire. I am interested on your opinion of this!

I have to admit, I was bangless for a very long time! When I was really little I used to have bangs and I used to hate them. Well, not actually the bangs themselves, it was the hair cutting that I used to hate! I was quite little and I was pretty terrified of the big pair of scissors my mom used to use to cut my bangs, the cold feel of them against my forehead as she tried to get my bangs nice and straight, and the awful sssshhhhhhhhnip noise as she cut them. After a few times of that I would only let my hair be cut at a salon by a trained professional with teeny tiny scissors. Sometime in second grade I put my foot down and decided "No more bangs! Ever!", well, until about 4 years ago.

But, the question from E wasn't "Dear Caro-chan: How completely afraid of certain hairstyles are you? What's the scariest hair style?" so I wont go into more blood-curdling details about the irrational fear of bangs I had when I was 5 and instead just say that there are indeed different ways of styling bangless hair in the Lolita world! It sometimes take some digging around but you can often find pictures of girls without bangs among the various Lolita mooks out there.

The braided bangs

A cute little french braid along your hair line is a good style choice for the bangless, either in a longer length to almost create faux bangs, or tight against your head to just add some interest to your hair. The braided bang creates a very elegant look that is quite suited for Classic Lolita. There are tons of tutorials for this hairstyle on youtube, search around and pick the one that you think will suit you best and try it out!

Side swept-bangs and the side part.

Definitely the most popular bangless Lolita hairstyle! Simply part your hair a little to the left or the right and either pin it, tuck it, or just leave it free. Some of these pictures might actually be side-swept bangs, instead of long straight hair, because it's sometimes nearly impossible to tell the difference between perfect side-swept bangs and a nice side part. This is an elegant looking hair style that can be used with any of the Lolita styles, as the pictures above show, Gothic, Classic, and Sweet Lolita all go great with the side part.

Fake bangs

And I don't mean a pair of clip on bangs! I'm talking about the extreme side part. Where you take a chunk of hair from one side of your head and basically just pin it to the opposite side so that it gives a bangs-esque shape to your face. I think this is a cute look, like a grownup version of bangs, and is good for when you want the shape of bangs, but you're not going to cut your hair just for them, but I imagine that it's a bit difficult to get this style to stay in place for a long period of time.

The plain old down the middle part

A very natural looking and girly way to part your hair. It's a little younger and a little less formal looking than the side part, but is cute just the same and goes very nicely with just about any Lolita style.

Pulled back

Another simple look for the bangless. I think that this is quite possibly one of the youngest bangless looks you can do and is very nicely suited for Sweet Lolita.

Headwear Without Bangs

The biggest downside to not having bangs is always being afraid that your particular choice of headwear just isn't appropriate without bangs. I really do think that anything that works with bangs can work without bangs, but sometimes hair needs to be styled a certain way to make it work. As you can see from the examples above there is a wide variety of different Lolita head pieces being worn, from bonnets, to big bows, to tiny bows, to mini hats, to crowns, to flower corsages, and they all look very nice. Because of all the different ways to style bangless hair, you might want to experiment a bit to decide which one works for you.

For me, it's hard to say that bangless hair styles are always more mature and elegant than hair styles with bangs, but they definitely can be much more mature and elegant than plain old blunt, eyeball length bangs. But, on the flipside, there are ways to style your hair that can look just as youthful, and even more so, than bangs.

I do definitely think that bangless hair styles are often overlooked or taken for granted in Lolita and should definitely not be mandatory for the style. With bangs, you pretty much decide on what look you want and cut your bangs to suit that, then they're going to be that way for at least a couple months until they grow out long enough to cut them again, but without bangs, you can change your look day by day. One day pulling them back into perfectly curled pig tails for a sweet and girlish look, the next parting them on the side with a gentle wave for a natural and mature look.

What about the rest of you? Bangs or no bangs with Lolita? Did you decide to take the plunge one way or another specifically for Lolita? Do you have any bangless Lolita hairstyles of your own to share? Personally, I did get bangs specifically for Lolita. For a while I was nervous about getting them because I was afraid it would make my face look too wide (And, I was determined to stick to the "Never again!" promise I made with I was 7) so I had lots of layers around my face in a sort of half-bang for a year before I finally took the plunge and just got regular blunt bangs. Now that I have bangs though, I really do love them, except for when I'm too lazy to trim them and they grow too long and they drive me crazy.

Ask Miss Caro-chan: Friends Don't Let Friends Wear Lace Monsters

I took a little unannounced week hiatus due to spotty internet connections, but it should be all better now. I didn't get to post my Halloween costume as soon as I wanted to, I was hoping to do it the day after Halloween with everyone else. Because of my lack of internet I sort of didn't even bother uploading my Halloween pictures or anything like that, so I've still got to do that! If you've been following me on Twitter you might already know what I was for Halloween. For those of you that don't know, I, like many Lolitas, took the easy route and just based a costume around a Lolita dress. Except I wasn't Alice or a doll or a vampire or something like that. I was a Lolita Moogle, but more on that when I actually get some pictures up!

Today's Ask Miss Caro-chan is a tricky question that was anonymously asked on my Formspring. Actually, a few people have asked similar questions to this, so I guess it's about time to make a post about this!

What does one do when your friend gets into Lolita.... And they keep wanting to stick to Ita? As in, colors in the coords don't even match at all type Ita. Is there a polite way of telling them they are wearing Lace Monsters and bad cosplay pieces?

This is a tough question that many people who have gotten their friends into Lolita have to deal with. While we have been happily comfortable in our little Lolita world it's sometimes difficult when a friend decides to join you and you have to watch them struggle with the newbie Ita stage that nearly everyone has struggled with. The most important thing to remember in this case is that she is your friend, not a fashion accessory, a fashionable member of an entourage, an extended part of your wardrobe, etc. If she honestly likes the clothes she is picking out, regardless of how Lolita they are, you're really just going to have to accept that. But, on the other hand, if she is trying to get into wearing actual Lolita clothes but just keeps making unfortunate decisions, there is no harm in leading her in the right direction.

Please keep in mind, this post is directed at people with friends who are newbies and who genuinely want to wear Lolita, not at helping people passive aggressively trash their friends personal fashion choices. So if I get a ton of "A real friend would let their friend wear whatever they want!" comments, well, obviously, but that's not the situation people have been asking about.

Sometimes it's hard to come right out and say "Honey, that does not look good" but, I don't know about you, if I looked completely silly and was oblivious to it I would rather a good friend let me know rather than just walk around like that. The trick is to doing so gently. There are a few relatively easy things you can do to help lead your friend in the right direction.

• If she asks, tell her the truth. If your friend comes to you with a Leg Avenue Halloween costume or a satin and raschel lace maid outfit from a lingerie shop asking you what they think of their new Lolita outfit, don't lie about it. Saying "Ooooh, it's niiice" isn't going to help anyone. Let them know gently "It's a neat costume, but it's really not Lolita," is a good start. Lying just to make it easier on yourself isn't something that a good friendship is based on, so why start doing it with something silly like clothes? If your friend is honestly asking your opinion, let her know.
• Talk about the fashion, a lot. You probably already do this, but it doesn't hurt to do it some more! Send her links to your favorite Lolita dresses, pictures of coordinates you admire, casually mention dresses you think she would look cute in and are in her price range. Hopefully she'll start to absorb the fashion's aesthetics a little faster this way.
  
• Suggest some alternatives. If she sends you a link to a neon pink lace monster of a dress suggesting that she is going to buy it, offer an alternative dress she would like that is similar, although of a better quality. Try to keep it in the same price range though, many people who fall for questionable lace monsters buy them because they're $50 on Ebay and they can't afford $200 brand dresses. So, instead of sending a link to a sold out or rare Angelic Pretty print, look around Bodyline or even the egl_comm_sales for something in the same price range that is the same color or has a similar detail she really likes.
  
• Lend her some clothes. If you are about the same size and you have a fairly flexible Lolita wardrobe let her try on some clothes for a special event, meet up, or even just for a day of dressing up. Sometimes all it takes is the chance to try on real Lolita clothes for some people to realize the difference between questionable Ebay costumes and what Lolita is really about. Try to avoid dressing her up completely though, let her take your pick from your wardrobe and choose her own piece.
• Buy her a piece or two. When her birthday or Christmas comes up, and if you have the spare cash, consider buying her a relatively inexpensive piece. Keep her own person style in mind though, no matter how much you dislike it. If your friend leans more toward the Punk or Gothic Lolita side of the fashion, don't try to urge her into Sweet Lolita by buying her a pastel pink skirt, as she may never wear it.
  
• Be patient. For nearly everyone the Ita stage was just a phase, if your friend doesn't seem to be getting your hints, just be patient. She'll most likely get over it soon enough and learn to dress herself in Lolita just fine.
  

I've been lucky enough to know Lolitas that have either always been "proper" Lolitas or who have left their Ita stage long before I met them, so while I have never had to personally experience friends of mine going through the Ita stage, these are all things I would have loved when I was just starting out myself! Sadly, I was pretty much the only one of my friends at the time who knew what Lolita was, so any of my unfortunate fashion choices were either encouraged or just chalked up to "It must be that Gothic Lolita thing she's always talking about."

But what about the rest of you? Do you wish you had something of a Lolita mentor when you were starting out or do you think you would have flipped if someone had suggested to you that Halloween geisha costumes do not Lolita make? Are you currently trying to help a newbie Lolita build a wardrobe? If so, do you have any tips on lending a helping hand to beginner Lolitas?

Ask Miss Caro-chan: What To Do With Older Ita Dresses?

Sorry about the complete lack of Ask Miss Caro-chan! I haven't been getting notified of new questions and just now realized I had a bunch of questions waiting for me. So hopefully I can work through the backlog of questions in the next few weeks.

My first question is a tough one that many Lolitas have to deal with:

In the past i started out as an ita loli but wish to start afresh. i have begun buying Qutieland clothing but i still have two ita dresses. What should i do with them? they cost me about $150 each and i doubt i can sell them... xXx

I don't know about the rest of you, but I have a few lace monster skeletons in my closet, but what to do with these? Especially if, like most lace monster dresses, they cost quite a bit more than they are probably worth, it's sometimes hard to just toss out a dress that cost you so much, even if you're currently embarrassed about it. Luckily, you have a few options when it comes to dresses like these.

• Bite the bullet and sell it. You're definitely not going to get as much as you paid for it, and honestly, if you are going to sell it on the egl_comm_sales you're probably not going to get much more than $20. If you sell it on Ebay you have a little better chance of getting some more money for it, as the market is entirely different than the comm_sales. People are on the comm_sales are looking to buy Lolita and strictly Lolita, while on Ebay you're going to get cosplayers and people who just like that particular style.
• Modify it. A better option is open to you depending on your creativity, skill, and what the original dress looked like (and is made of! Amazing, creative sewing skills really can't save a dress made out of neon pink costume satin!). If the dress is Ita simply because it has some bad lace on it, take the lace off. If it's very short, you can either attempt to add a row or two of ruffles to the bottom or wear an under skirt with it. If there are other typical Ita trademarks such as very wide corset lacing, huge bell sleeves, large and poorly made bows, all of these things can either be removed, or with some skill in sewing, modified.
• Wear it in new ways. This is an option if your dress isn't so much Ita as it is simply out of date and not of the best quality. After you've removed any thing you feel is cheap or unattractive try to think up some unique and up-to-date ways to coordinate the dress. If the dress comes with accessories such as leg warmers, detachable sleeves that don't attach to anything, or a rectangle headdress with too much lace on it, simply don't wear that piece with the dress. If you want to try to make something that is borderline Ita be unquestionably Lolita make sure that all the other pieces in your coordinate are, without a doubt, Lolita. Make sure you're wearing a nice blouse with it, make sure your socks aren't topped with yards of extra fluffy cheap raschel lace, and wear a more up-to-date head piece like an Alice bow.

Again, not everything can be saved by some clever coordination and a seam ripper, but it doesn't hurt to try! Here are some examples of pretty typical Ita dresses that can either be transformed into something a little nicer, or that are pretty hopeless.

These two dresses are typical Ita dresses, but I think they are on the milder end of the Ita scale and can definitely be saved if worn a little differently. The first dress just needs to get rid of that weird, extra long petticoat thing out from underneath it, loose the detachable collar and the detachable long sleeves and it's a wearable Lolita dress of the Gothic persuasion. The lace up V in the back is kind of weird, but it's not too obnoxious and could easily be hidden with a long hairdo. The lace on it even looks to be black eyelet lace, which is perfectly OK. The second dress looks to be even easier, just nix the capelet with the huge rascel lace ruffle and there's a perfectly cute Kuro Lolita dress under there with minimal to no lace. Coordinate it with cutesy black shoes, some white over-the-knee socks, a purse shaped like something cute like a crown or a purse with a big emblem on it, and top it with an Alice bow and you've got a much more up-to-date outfit than the maid headdress and stripey socks that is shown with the dress.

While the second coordinate mentioned is straight forward, I wanted to do a quick virtual coordinate for the first dress, minus the sleeves and collar. Adding some decadent Gothic accessories and a small rose headband could give new life to a dress like this.

Here are two typically Ita dresses that certainly look like dresses I bought in my early Lolita days! The first dress is covered in huge stiff bows, to the point that you can hardly see the actual dress under all of them! The second dress, while a little better, suffers from the typical problem of having wide ruffles of cheap lace. Both of these dresses can't really be worn as-is without looking very Ita-y, but with a few simple modifications by someone who knows their way around a sewing machine, even a little bit, they can be a thousand times better!

This is the first dress with the big bows and bad lace photoshopped off, while closing up on the image I found out that it had a cute scalloped hem! It looked very plain without anything on it so I've added a few details that would be relatively simple to add. Some better quality lace along the bottom hem, a simple bit of lace and corset detailing on the front, made a bit more subtle with the use of black ribbon for the lace-up, and a couple of matching bows on the straps with a little pearl chain.

For the second dress, I would remove the wide raschel lace going up the sides and along the hem and replace it with a much more narrow strip of lace. I would also remove the weird little white bows along bottom of the dress and either add an extra ruffle or wear it over an underskirt to make it look longer. I would then either change the halter strap so that the ends of the bow weren't so long or make them into regular straps. I would keep the black ribbons on the front because I like dresses with those kinds of ribbon details.

These two dresses I deem unsaveable for a few reasons. The first one simply isn't a proper shape and would be nearly impossible to make into a proper shape without remaking it completely. The best hope this dress would have would be to take off all the lace and cut it to make a blouse that is destined to only ever be worn under JSKs. The second dress just has way too much going on and also has a lot of weird stuff happening like asymmetrical hem lines and whatever is happening in the collar/sleeve area. Again, this dress would need a nearly complete remake to make it wearable. Dresses like this, that would involve too much work, simply aren't worth it and in that case I would try to sell, or just say to hell with it and give it to GoodWill.

I am not suggesting that you go out and buy some dresses of questionable taste just for the sheer joy of spending a few hours carefully ripping lace off of them, but if you have something like this sitting around in your closet that you are too embarrassed to wear, but cost too much to just give away, why not give it a shot if you have a little bit of sewing skills.

I actually have a few dresses sitting around in my closet that are from my early Lolita days that instead of just selling for $15 I am thinking of new ways to wear. One of these dresses is an older Hot Topic dress, the only Hot Topic dress that could actually be considered Lolita. It was a black and white dress that was actually, I think, a pretty accurate Angelic Pretty replica (it actually looks a lot like the second modified dress in this post!). It's just a little short and a very old design, but I hope to make either a cute black and white Sweet Lolita coordinate with it or a sort of old school coordinate. In contrast, I also have a couple of other dresses that barely can be called Lolita hiding away waiting for me to just plain get rid of.

What kind of old dresses do you have sitting around in your closet? What do you plan on doing with them? Giving them another chance, giving them a make over, or just let them gather dust?

Convincing Your Parents To Let You Wear Lolita

I seem to have accidentally deleted my old Ask Miss Caro-chan post! I have reposted it, along with a new form to ask questions through, I'll now be doing the questions via Formspring, or just through the comments on the Ask Miss Caro-chan page. Hopefully, this way, I will get to answer a lot of the quicker questions that don't require a full length post!

Now that that's cleared up, today's Ask Miss Caro-chan is from Sarabelle, who asks

I'm sixteen, and have recently discovered lolita fashion...and have fallen head over heels in love with it! I want to start building a wardrobe, but I don't quite know how to tell my parents, lest they say no. What could I do/say to convince them?

Note: This post was written with the help of my friend Cherie, who had to do a lot of convincing to be able to wear Lolita when she first got started!

I have to say, as much as I know you're not going to want to hear it, there is no magic word to get your parents to let you dress in Lolita. My own parents, when I started dressing Lolita all those years ago, where OK with the fact that I had decided I wanted to look like what they thought was a crazy Victorian doll, but strange fashion choices were really not something out of the ordinary for little Caro-chan. Your parents might not be as understanding, but I'm sure you know them more than I do, but are you sure they are not going to allow to wear Lolita? There are a few things you can do to test the waters before you take the plunge into frills.

First, look at Lolita fashions with them. Either find pictures online and show them, or buy one of the various Lolita publications out there and browse through it with them. Leave it on a coffee table where they're sure to find it if you have to! Avoid something like showing them pictures of Lolitas from a manga or anime, as they might think you just want to dress like a character from a cartoon or comic book, they might not understand that some characters in anime and manga wear clothes inspired by real life. See what their reaction to this and let them know that you would love to wear these clothes. If they seem OK with the idea, then you're pretty much good to go. Try to start small though, don't dive head first into towering pink wigs and ultra-rare and expensive dresses.

If you bring up the idea of dressing like the models in these magazines and your parents give you the "I don't mind it, but not on you!" speech then you're probably going to be in for a rockier ride. There's really not much I can tell you that will grantee them to give in and let you wear the frills, but there are a few tips and pointers you can try to get them to hopefully change their minds.

• If your parents pay for your clothes, don't start asking for very expensive pieces. Show them the cheaper side of Lolita first, such as Bodyline. Bodyline prices are very close to mainstream store clothing prices, so it won't be much more than buying "normal" clothes. Do some creative shopping yourself and pick out basics, like blouses, socks, and shoes at local stores. You're parents might not even notice that they are buying you Lolita clothes that way XD Gradually introduce them to the pricier Lolita brands and save asking for expensive pieces for birthdays, Christmas, or other special occasions.
  
• Dress nicer outside of Lolita. If you typically wear jeans and hoodies your parents might not think you are actually going to wear the fancy new clothes you are asking for. There's nothing parents like less than wasting money, so show them that you can indeed dress up when you're not forced to. Wear a blouse every now and then instead of a tee shirt and, especially if you're not used to it, wear a causal skirt every now and then. Some parents are afraid that their kids are just going to ruin nice clothes, you're obviously not a 6 year old any more, running around with a Popsicle melting down your arm and a tootsie roll stuck in your hair, but sometimes parents will still treat you like that. So prove to them that not only do you enjoy dressing nicely, but that you know how to take care of nicer clothes. Check out this post about wearing elegant clothes outside of the Lolita fashion for more ideas.
• Earn your Lolita clothes. Whether you have a part-time job, an allowance, you sell off some old stuff on ebay, or just obsessively save money from holidays and birthdays, be willing to spend some of your own money on the fashion. If you don't get an allowance, you can always try bargaining with your parents, it's what I did when I was younger since I didn't get an allowance! Agree to do something like keep the lawn mowed for a month, or do all the dishes for 2 weeks straight in return for a Lolita dress (Keep the first tip in mind though, most parents don't think doing the dishes is worth $300). Let your parents know that you are serious about wearing Lolita and you're willing do work for it if you have to!
  
• Discuss your budget with your parents. If you have a part-time job of your own that pays enough to be able to afford brand, but your parents are against you spending every penny of your paycheck on Lolita, talk to them about budgeting. Instead of just blowing whole paychecks on burando, put some money aside each week until you have enough. Prove that you're mature enough with your money to pay for both necessities and luxuries.
• Find out why they might not let you wear Lolita. Some parents are very picky about what their kids wear and don't like the idea of them dressing "weirdly". There could be a lot of reasons why they don't like the idea, they might worry that you would get picked on, or they could have a misconception about alternative styles. If they flat out say "No, my kid's not going to dress weird!" try to find out why they don't want you to and discuss it with them. Make sure it doesn't turn into a yelling match though, as that might be all the more reason not to let you.
  

The most important part of convincing a parent to let you wear strange and expensive clothes is to prove to them that you are both serious about it and mature enough to handle it. They might think it's just a silly and expensive phase that you are going through and will get sick of in a couple months.

What to do if your parents don't trust the fashion because of the word "Lolita"?

It's no secret that "Lolita" has a few different meanings, because of this your parents might instantly get the wrong idea about what you mean when you say you want to start dressing in the Lolita style. First of all, you shouldn't really completely avoid calling it Lolita, as they're bound to figure out that it's called that since it's on many Lolita websites and right in the title of many Lolita magazines. Explain the style to them, let them know that it is a fashion from Japan that is based on wearing modest and feminine clothes. Reading the book yourself might be a good idea, even just so you will have first hand knowledge about just how little it has to do with the fashion. Also, it's a pretty good book and a classic, so you should definitely read it for those reasons as well.

That's about all the advice I could give on the subject, like I said, there's really no sure fire way to allow your parents to dress the way you want. Some parents are just more willing than others.

To my readers, how did your parents react when you first started wearing Lolita? Did you have to do any convincing or did they encourage you to dress however you wanted?

Ask Miss Caro-chan: Adding More Color To Your Wardrobe

Today I'll be answering the first Ask Miss Caro-chan in a while! I had gotten reeeaaallly behind on the questions (as well as the interviews) in the month of May, so I'm going to try to get back on track with them this month! This question is from Manda, who asks:

How should one go about adding more color to their lolita wardrobe. I presently have a very gothic/classic wardrobe, but I am getting a little bored of the colors. Any tips?

Adding more color to a wardrobe is a pretty simple thing if you are starting with Gothic wardrobe, since pretty much any color is going to match with black. There are a few things to keep in mind when you are looking to color your Gothic wardrobe a little bit, and having several colorful coordinates, without having to buy a ton of stuff.

• Pick a color. Just one color for the time being, try not to go crazy and just buy whatever is colorful and cheap, because you're just going to have to spend a bunch later trying to accessorize each different color. When I first started adding more color to my wardrobe I made the mistake of getting tons of different colored stuff that I never wear because I didn't bother to buy a bunch of matching accessories. Once I learned my lesson I settled on pink as my extra color, because nothing matches black better than pink! Once you have a workable wardrobe in your chosen color, then by all means, go crazy and start buying more colors. The smart way to owning Lolita is to really be able to make the most out of what you have, because that simply means you get to wear it more!
• Look for prints in a black colorway that feature details of the color you chose. This might be tricky if you want an unusual (for Lolita!) color scheme like black and green. But if you are determined you're bound to find something. A print, either as a skirt or a JSK, in a black colorway will let you wear the color of your choice without having to go out and buy any extra accessories since it will most likely match with black shoes, socks, blouse, and head piece. One thing to keep in mind when you are picking out a printed piece is whether or not you are planning to add things of a completely different style. If you plan on sticking with Gothic, try to avoid prints with super cute motifs.
• Pick out some all white pieces in your current wardrobe. Most Gothic wardrobes will have at least 1 white blouse. A white blouse will make a coordinate look a little more colorful, even if it is a black colorway with only a little bit of color.
• Don't be afraid to pair a colorful JSK or skirt with a black blouse. If you really want to add a color to your wardrobe, and add a lot of it, get a skirt or JSK in your chosen color, it can be print or solid, and wear it with a black blouse and black accessories. This might not always work with a JSK, it will usually depend upon the cut and color of the JSK, but a colorful skirt in pretty much any color usually looks good in an all black coordinate, and is something a little different and unique.
• Find a jacket or bolero in your color of choice. It's another quick way to add your color to an all black outfit.
• Accessorize! Finally, add some accessories in your chosen color to your wardrobe. Start with little accessories, like necklaces, rings, or brooches, or things you can easily get for cheap at mainstream stores. Then go on a hunt for shoes, purses, and headbows or other Lolita head pieces in a matching color. If you really want a frugal way to add color to a Gothic wardrobe, skip all the other steps except for this one. Just a few colorful accessories will really stand out in an all black coordinate.

If you have a more Classic wardrobe that may already have a lot of color in it, just in either classical prints or more muted colors, you're probably going to have a trickier time and you're really going to have to know which colors will match, but the basic steps are still the same, just add a little color at a time.

Here are the pieces I will be making a few coordinates with, up top are a few pieces from a Gothic wardrobe, and below are the colorful (I chose red!) pieces that can easily be introduced into a Gothic wardrobe, I have 2 pieces in a black colorway with red details (The bodyline JSK and the BtSSB skirt) a solid red skirt (Mary Magdalene), a solid red jacket (Forever 21), a red headbow (BtSSB), some shoes (Bodyline), and a purse and some random accessories. Now, of course, you should probably have your reds, or whatever color you picked, match, but I'm using Polyvore for this so it's a little hard to find exactly matching colors that have been uploaded.

 Here's an example of one of the easiest ways to add color to a wardrobe, a printed piece in a colorway that matches your current wardrobe, but has details of the color you wish was in your wardrobe. As you can see, besides a few matching pieces of jewelry, the rest of the wardrobe is basic black pieces. One printed piece like this can really go a long way, especially if you are on a budget or are simply unsure if you will like the color combo you have picked.

Here's an example of another, a bit bolder, way to add more color to a wardrobe, and that is solid colored pieces. A purse or a couple pieces of jewelry in your chosen color can help balance the coordinate a bit.

I haven't even used all the pieces in the sample wardrobe! There are still some shoes and accessories that can be played with to either make an outfit with maximum red, or a few more accessories that can spice up an all black coordinate a bit more.

Hopefully this has helped a bit! It's really not that hard, technically, to add more color to a wardrobe, I think the hardest part is just choosing a color and stepping outside your comfort zone.

Ask Miss Caro-chan: Lolita Styles For Warm Weather

Today's Ask Miss Caro-chan comes from Haruko, who asks:

What would you recommend for a summer lolita look. Where I live it's hot most of the year, and a lolita coord with so many layers can be pretty uncomfortable, and even not worth the cuteness :(

Summer is often the worst season for wearing Lolita. True, it's lovely and beautiful out, but Lolita just has so many layers that it's usually just too hot to bother with. If you are hard core about dressing up in your finest frills the most you can do is just deal with the heat, but if you just don't want to bother, there are some things you can do to make a Lolita outfit a bit more bearable in the heat of summer.

• Loose some layers. Start from the inside out. It can be something as simple as just not wearing bloomers, but you can keep going from there and loose the blouse and just wear a JSK, and then loose the socks or tights. If you are scared of committing a Lolita faux pas by going blouseless under a JSK, don't worry about it! Going blouseless is usually seen as OK nowadays, and a lot of Lolita brands even make halter styled tops in the summer that are meant to be worn without a blouse under them.
  
• Use protection. From the sun that is! Carry a parasol or wear a large brimmed hat to keep a patch of nice cool shade wherever you go. Don't forget to wear some sunscreen too.
• Wear open toed shoes. If you're not wearing socks, of course. Try a pair of summery platform or heeled sandals in a matching color.
  
• Go easy on your hair. You're probably not going to want to use a whole bottle of hair spray in the heat of summer, or worse yet, a wig. Wear your hair either down and loose, with maybe a bit of a wave to it, or up in something very simple like curled pigtails. In addition to keeping your hair light and simple, wear an easy head piece. In the heat of summer you're not going to want to wear a big square headdress that just makes your head hot, instead go for a simple headband with a flower or a bow on it.
  
• Wear lightweight fabrics. Put your velvets away for a few months and start wearing lightweight cotton, the breezier the better. If you still want to wear blouses under your JSKs, it's a good idea to find some very lightweight blouses to wear in the summer. If they are a little bit see-through it's not really going to be that big of a deal because you're going to be wearing them under a JSK.
  
• Wear cutsews. If you wear skirts more than JSKs, invest in some cutsews. They are much less stuffy feeling than button-up blouses, and the fabric usually breaths better.
  
• Dress for the season. Wear a lot of light pastels, or look for prints that feel summery to you.
  

Of course, I couldn't do a post like this without an excuse to make some coordinates! So here are a couple, one Sweet and one Gothic, of summery looking Lolita coordinates.

This coordinate is a little bit Hime. At least, Summery Sweet Lolita coordinates always remind me of Hime coordinates. A pale pastel yellow Baby JSK is paired with a variety of pink accessories to match the pink in the flowers. The hair is kept long and wavy and a small sidebow is used instead of a head eating bow.

Ah! This set is more me. I hate it when people ask me, in the summer, "Aren't you hot wearing black?" when I'm clearly wearing a tank top. Seriously people, just because something is black, doesn't mean it's 100 degrees hotter than any other color. XD Enough about that! In this set I chose black with a few gold accents to match the gold in the parasol. The dress is an Innocent World one that is very minimalistic with a corset lacing on the front, which, I think, is very Gothic looking. Hair is short and straight, and instead of a traditional Lolita headdress I chose a feathery headband with a rose clipped to it.

Ask Miss Caro-chan: Lolita Styles for Short Hair & A Peek At What I've Been Up To.

Today's Ask Miss Caro-chan comes from Enichan. She asks:

Hi! I was wondering if you had any tips for lolitas with short hair. I recently got my hair cut pretty damn short, and while it kind of works as is to create a more androgynous look, I'd like to have a few more options. I just can't really think of much to do with it.

This is not exactly a subject I am well versed on, as my hair is very long, but I'll do my best! Well, first of all, there is the obvious and nearly limitless choice of wigs and hair clips. With short hair it wouldn't be hard to tuck your hair under a wig cap and plop down the wig of your choice on top of your head. This way you have near limitless color options and styles that you really don't have to worry about. If your hair is long enough to pull into pigtails or a ponytail, you could skip the full wig and just buy a ponytail fall in a color to match you hair and have instant long hair in perfect curls that you can take off whenever you want. Of course, there are down sides to wigs, nice ones can be expensive, they can be a pain to store, they get hot, and maybe you just don't want to deal with actually having to wear one. In that case, there are still many things you can do with your own hair.

If your hair is very short, too short to style or even pull together into a tiny tuft of a pigtail, your best option is to decorate! Wear a head piece, add some clips to your hair, or even consider wearing a full-sized hat. A cute beret perched at an angle above a pixie cut looks adorable! Very short hair cuts can look really cute with Lolita. Here's a post on EGL of girls showing off their short hair cuts with their frills.

If you have slightly longer hair you have even more options. Personally, I think that one of the cutest styles to wear with Lolita is the bob. If you have a bob you don't even need to consider styling it, just put on your favorite hair bow and fluff it up a little bit and you've got perfect hair! If your hair is long enough to style you could always do a sort of mini updo, keep your bangs straight (assuming you have bangs!) and curl the rest of your hair so it's nice and poodley and then pin it up and add some accessories to it.

Because many Lolitas are bit more comfortable and confident doing something if the Bibles have proved that it can be done, here's a selection of short hair styles from the Gothic & Lolita Bibles that are used in a variety of different kinds of Lolita.

If you want something a little different, try a look from the past, like pin curls. They might take some practice doing, and you might even need a friend to help you, but they give beautiful results, especially with very short hair. Here's a great tutorial on how to do them on short hair. If you are interested in other kinds of curls for short hair, check out finger waves, they were a hair style popular in the 20's and 30's.

The long waves are finger waves. The curls around her ears are most likely pin curls.


A few more examples of short hair from the 1920's.

There are lots of different styles a Lolita with short hair can pull off, you just have to be willing to experiment a bit to find which one matches your style perfectly!

If you're wondering why I've been so quite in March, it's because I've been working on projects. Projects of the bonnet (and hair clips and jewelry!) sort. I plan to get an Etsy shop up and running sometime very soon, hopefully within days. So be on the look out for that!

A sneak peek of a couple of the bonnets I have made.

Ask Miss Caro-chan: Being a Confident Lolita and Loving Yourself

Today's Ask Miss Caro-chan is a personal one from Lack of Confidence Lolita, she asks:

So you start a blog, on or of Lolita Fashion. But let's say that you're not exactly a part of it yet, probably because of lack of: inspiration, motivation, and/or confidence in yourself. (Not sure if this is Lolita-Related, but since my 'blog' is supposed to be Lolita-related...)don

How do I start? I'm pretty much a new Lolita, only knowing about it doesn't count, I haven't dressed the part yet - since I'm a big girl, and I find it difficult to get the money to do so. But I keep trying, yet here I am still. I had it once, but then I lost interest because I thought I wasn't good enough for Lolita.

Because I am big, and I think I am ugly, etc...

Maybe what I really mean to ask is this: How can you find the confidence in yourself, despite smothering yourself in hate? How can you love yourself outside of Lolita enough to love yourself while in Lolita? Being confident.

Sorry for the TL;DR, it seems I always end up doing that... and not sure if this has been asked before.

Loving yourself more isn't always something that you can just decide to do one day and that's that, it's a lot of little things that happen over time and one day you will all of the sudden realize that you are 100% OK with yourself and you can't imagine why you ever thought otherwise. It's something a lot of people, both in and out of Lolita, struggle with. Sometimes it's the very nature of Lolita that causes people to struggle with these issues. I mean, you can't exactly blend in with the crowd when you're wearing the frills, it takes a lot of self confidence to be able to wear the look and feel comfortable in it. And the more you feel comfortable and confident the better it looks on you.

Learning to love yourself

This first section is just the baby steps towards loving yourself and, thus, gaining confidence in yourself. It's difficult to go through everyday life without at least a little love for yourself and a lot of confidence, it's even harder to go through life in a pink frilly dress and a cake hat on your head if you lack both love for yourself and self confidence.

• Don't criticize yourself. The first step is the most important, and that is to stop criticizing yourself. Don't allow yourself to use any harsh words that you may feel about yourself. And I don't just mean using the words vocally, or in a half-hearted joking excuse, but internally too. Whenever you catch yourself thinking these things, stop yourself before you can even finish the thought.
  
• Don't compare yourself to others. Don't feel as if you have to make yourself into a clone of the "perfect" person. You don't have to have someone else's figure, someone else's friends, someone else's clothes, or someone else's money to be happy. Instead of focusing on living someone else's life, focus on ways you can improve upon yourself.
  
• Discover what you love about yourself. Make a list! Write it down and keep it somewhere special, where you will see it often, like posted to your mirror, or folded up in your wallet. Throughout the day take notice of the things you do particularly well and add them to the list, you'll soon discover that you have many good qualities and reason enough to love yourself.
  
• Praise yourself. When you complete tasks or notice that you do something particularly well, congratulate yourself on it. Even if it's something simple like keeping a room tidy or finish some rather difficult homework. Learn to notice where and just how much you succeed.
• Write yourself a love note. It might sound silly but write a note to yourself and include what you like most about you. It can be in a diary, a letter sealed up in an envelope that you keep somewhere secret, an email set to send it to yourself in a few months (try FutureMe.org), or even a collage of pictures from days you are proud of and of people who love you.
  

Gaining confidence, especially when wearing Lolita

Confidence is a big part of learning to love yourself, and vice versa. Especially when you are wearing such an attention grabbing fashion like Lolita. Lolita often forces you to be the center of attention, and if you don't have the confidence to go with the attention, it could make wearing Lolita a very uncomfortable experience.

• Wear Lolita around the house. If you have the dress that you've always wanted, but don't yet feel comfortable wearing it in public, then don't let it just sit in the back of your closet! Wear it in the privacy of your own house, even if you only ever wear it in your own bedroom for an hour or two. Don't let the dresses intimidate you! They're just a pile of frills and lace until you put them on and make them shine.
  
• Treat others as you would like to be treated. I don't just mean being polite, but being friendly as well. Smile at people, make conversation, complement others, let yourself laugh at jokes. Be as friendly to others as you would like them to be to you and you will soon find that your friendliness has rubbed off on others!
  
• Accept compliment. Don't respond to a complement with an excuse or an argument! Say thank you, smile back, and be aware that you did something that someone liked so much that they took a moment of their time to tell you so.
  
• Ignore unwarranted criticism or dirty looks. Nobody asked for their opinion, so it doesn't count. So just ignore mean comments and dirty looks, simple as that. The opinions of rude strangers on the street shouldn't matter to you anyways since you're not here to please them.
  

Being OK with who you are

Be it body image or the way you look, you have really got to be OK with exactly who you are in order to be really happy with yourself. You don't have to be perfect (who is?!), you just have to be comfortable with yourself.

• Find a role model. Don't get this confused with comparing yourself to others! Teach yourself to notice all different kinds of beauty, not just the slender, highly airbrushed kind. Keep an eye out for people who you feel are a bit like you, in either looks or body type or whatever, and who really work it. Don't try to emulate them, but instead simply think about what makes them so fabulous. Do your own thing while you keep it in the back of your mind that there's other people out there, people who are in some ways just like you, who are fabulous, so there's absolutely nothing keeping you from being just as fabulous!
  
• Learn to dress for your body type. Wear clothes that fit and learn what flatters you. If you are wearing clothes that fit well and make you look good you will feel much better about yourself. If you are plus sized, check out these tips and tricks for dressing flatteringly. Once you learn what looks best on you, you can't help but feel great in it. It's true that sometimes you have to give up on certain styles or cuts of dresses, but it's worth it to look your best.
  
• Take good care of yourself. This includes simple things like keeping your hair clean, your skin as clear as you can, and other things that can usually be solved with good old fashioned soap and water. It also includes trying to eat right and giving in to a little bit of exercise. Of course, you don't have to drop half your weight to be healthy, but eating foods that are good for you, going for the occasional walk, or not being afraid to run around a bit and get your heart pumping are bound to make you feel better. The more you take care of yourself the less lethargic and generally "blah" you will feel.
  
• Make yourself feel pretty. Of course, you don't need to wear makeup to make yourself look pretty, but if you feel like makeup would help, to brighten your eyes, even out your skin tone, or cover up some blemishes, than why not give it a shot? Try something very simple like mascara, a neutral eyeshadow, and a bit of concealer where you need it and it could really change the way you see yourself. In addition to that, make it a practice to dress up a little bit more than you normally would. Even if that just means switching from tee shirts to button ups and wearing a cute necklace every now and then. Of course, "pretty" is subjective, don't feel like you need to wear a pink button up and pink lip gloss to feel pretty. If you're idea of pretty is something else entirely, then go for it. If you say to hell with pretty and want to instead look glamorous, mysterious, handsome, androgynous, or whatever, then go for that instead!
  
• Enjoy what you have. You might think you will only be happy with currently unobtainable things, such as brand Lolita clothes, but instead focus on enjoying what you have while you save up for whatever it is that you want. Look for elegant pieces that you have already that you can wear to give yourself a frill fix. Check out this post on dressing elegantly outside of Lolita.
  

Pampering yourself

Ah, the rewards! The reason why any of us do anything, right XD? Don't be afraid to treat yourself every now and then, after all you deserve it.

• Have a "spa day". I really don't like the term "Spa day", it reminds me of stock photos of middle aged women having generic fun while wearing facial masks. But I couldn't think of a better word XD Dedicate a day to pampering and beautifying yourself. It could be a day every weekend, a day every month, or they can even be spontaneous pick-me-ups. If you want to go all out, and you have the cash, visit a nail salon and get a manicure, pedicure, eyebrow waxing, the whole shebang. Or go out and get your hair professionally styled. Let someone else worry about making you look your best for the day, all you have to do is sit back and relax. Or, if going out and doing it is not your thing, spend a whole day in your PJs, pop in your favorite CD, and do it yourself! Learn to give yourself a manicure and look up some recipes for facial masks to try out. Consider buying a special perfume or lotion to use on your spa days, since scent is the strongest scent tied to memory you'll soon start to associate the scent with feeling good.
  
• Reward yourself. You don't have to promise yourself a new Angelic Pretty dress every week, but small rewards for when you know you did well on something will really motivate you and lift your spirits. They don't even have to be something you have to buy for yourself, but little things like taking a couple hours off work at the end of the week to relax or leaving the chores for a day to go out with some friends.
  
• Do something you love. Whatever you're passionate about or have always wanted to give it a go, then do it! And do it often. This can be anything from making time in the evening to read your favorite books all over again, to signing up for classes to learn something new.
• Set aside a personal gift fund. Get a box or a bank and start putting a small amount of money in it on occasion, either fill it with the spare change in your pocket at the end of the day, or set aside a few dollars a week to go into it. At the end of the month, check to see how much you have saved up and spend it on yourself! Even $30 can get you a Lolita hairbow, a pair of lace cuffs, or a brand logo necklace on the EGL sales community with some clever hunting.
  

Of course, loving yourself and being confident is entirely up to you, you can go through this whole list but if you are not willing to let yourself be confident and loved all the lists in the world can't help you. You have to want to, that is the very first step.